One of the types of thinking I’ve been trying to change is the personal need for immediacy of the transition in economic modes of production. As someone who believes in communism and wants the project to succeed, I feel it’s important to reconcile two different perspectives. This is mostly meant for me as a self-crit, but I invite anyone to add to it if you relate.

From one perspective I have historical materialism, which is a very high level understanding of classes and their influence on the mode of production over time. From this perspective it helps me put into context why things happened. It also helps me to understand what will happen.

On the other hand, I have my personal perspective as an USian living day in and day out as an individual. American culture does not necessarily instill a work ethic, rather more of an opportunist path which allows for instant gratification (just look at the increase in gambling over the last decade).

These two perspectives end up battling each other. While I know, from a historical materialist perspective, that the transition from feudalism to capitalism was a multi-century process and I should reasonably expect the full transition to socialism to last well past this century, I still yearn for it in my lifetime. I look at backward steps as catastrophic instead of inevitable chaos in the process of transition. Being in the US feels very much like the end of the world, partially because the culture here is a reflection of popular bourgeois sentiment. While this might be a good sign in the long run, as a trans person it is hard to be patient when the current administration is trying to criminalize my existence. Everything just feels… so slow.

I am proud of myself though. I have built a strong foundation over the last few years for the future. If I can weather this storm I will flourish when the sun comes out again.

Edit: re-worded the title