Tbh might try finishing up that fashion advice post I had drafted a few months ago. Not sure how much of it is good or novel advice though, since last time I gave someone that advice she had already known everything (although admittedly she’s been out full-time for way longer than I have).
Also doesn’t help that I am proportionally not super masc and can fit in women’s smalls, so I don’t have as much personal experience with the sizing troubles other trans fems have.
Stupid privileged feelings about sizes
Honestly that last bit kinda makes me feel like shit though, since I used to be really dysphoric about exactly that sort of stuff, being big and overly masculine. But I realised over time that, while I am taller than most cis women, I’m also not in the super tall spot that all the other height dysphoric trans women I know are in, and that makes me feel a bit imposter-y whenever I feel my height dysphoria flaring up again. Even though relative to people where I live, I am consistently taller than every cis woman I run in to. It feels like I’m not allowed to feel bad about this since other people have it worse, even though I recognise that I still can’t quite pass.
And the only reason I’m able to fit in a small rn is cuz I have been undereating for months since getting kicked out and have lost a ton of weight as a byproduct of that, something like a minimum of 10 kg, probably more since I don’t remember my exact weight before I was kicked out. This made me go down like two sizes, from a men’s medium to the women’s small I am now. On the one hand I do like being able to fit in this size, it’s really nice to have so many options for outfits and being small and dainty and cute is exactly the vibe I want to give off. But on the other hand it feels shitty that it is because of my own unhealthiness, especially when that unhealthiness is directly tied to my being trans and getting kicked out, unable to really afford to eat much until basically last week.
And I feel like, again, I’m not really allowed to feel bad about this, since it goes so counter to the usual trans fem issues. My aforementioned friend was angry when I posted pics of my new outfit because of the fact that I was able to fit in nice clothes. I’m ultimately privileged to be able to wear this stuff, and to be able to present more femininely without as much trouble as a lot of other trans fems.
This is a dumb vent though, I might delete this soon since I feel bad even typing it out, and I feel like there might be a few people here with a similar reaction to that of my friend. I don’t want to make people feel shitty about themselves like I made her feel a few days ago, especially since I’d then tried giving those bits of advice I knew and it backfired with her getting a bit more annoyed at me.
Sorry, didn’t intend for this to become a vent post, I’ll definitely try to work on the fashion thing at some point though since I still think it might be fun to finish that up finally after having posted it here as advice a few months back. And I’m sure at least someone here would appreciate it.
Might also do a transfem lolita guide at some point for funsies
Alright when you put it that way I guess that entire vent was kinda silly. Thank you though, that sorta realisation about how silly my feelings can sometimes be always make me feel better when I’m spiraling. 💜
(Not to say I don’t think they were valid to feel, just that a little chuckle at my expense makes me feel a bit better usually.)
I wasnt trying to invalidate your feelings! I mean, of course I don’t want you or anyone else to experience dysphoria, but I also want you to know your feelings are valid!
Oh no no don’t worry it wasn’t invalidating at all! It was just like, the summing up of my multi-paragraph vent into ‘feeling like I don’t have permission to be sad about dysphoria’ is really funny and accurate in a way that made me feel better. It’s just also this happens quite often to me where I spiral and vent out paragraphs and then someone sums it in a way that I find super silly and makes me feel better.
Your feelings are completely valid :meow-heart: I can definitely relate to “well other people have it worse so how can I complain”, but you know that’s not true. Being tall when you don’t want to be sucks, even if other people are taller 🤷.
I feel like there might be a few people here with a similar reaction to that of my friend.
I’ll fight them 🤷 and kick their asses. There’s no reason for anyone to be angry at you because what, you’ve starved yourself down to a small? ridiculous. It really sounds like your friend is the one with an issue (although please don’t slip into an ED).
Okay this actually made me tear up a little to read, thank you so much, I think I really needed to hear this.
Also the ED likely won’t be a problem, I’m in a position now where I can afford food and I’ve been eating decently now because of it. Not quite as much as when I was living with my parents, but enough that I feel healthier than I have in months. I’m actually feeling really nice about my food situation rn since I’ve reached a point where I’ve been able to motivate myself to at least cook one proper meal every day instead of meal planning, and that has been a real comfort. The meals themselves are usually basic stuff like simple pasta but that still makes me feel really nice to be able to do after so long where I couldn’t muster that motivation more than once every few weeks. (I even bake on weekends for little treats and that’s been very fun)
Still feeling the high from buying my new summer wardrobe Saturday. I’m evolving onto one of those gosh danged fashion transes.
Tbh might try finishing up that fashion advice post I had drafted a few months ago. Not sure how much of it is good or novel advice though, since last time I gave someone that advice she had already known everything (although admittedly she’s been out full-time for way longer than I have).
Also doesn’t help that I am proportionally not super masc and can fit in women’s smalls, so I don’t have as much personal experience with the sizing troubles other trans fems have.
Stupid privileged feelings about sizes
Honestly that last bit kinda makes me feel like shit though, since I used to be really dysphoric about exactly that sort of stuff, being big and overly masculine. But I realised over time that, while I am taller than most cis women, I’m also not in the super tall spot that all the other height dysphoric trans women I know are in, and that makes me feel a bit imposter-y whenever I feel my height dysphoria flaring up again. Even though relative to people where I live, I am consistently taller than every cis woman I run in to. It feels like I’m not allowed to feel bad about this since other people have it worse, even though I recognise that I still can’t quite pass.
And the only reason I’m able to fit in a small rn is cuz I have been undereating for months since getting kicked out and have lost a ton of weight as a byproduct of that, something like a minimum of 10 kg, probably more since I don’t remember my exact weight before I was kicked out. This made me go down like two sizes, from a men’s medium to the women’s small I am now. On the one hand I do like being able to fit in this size, it’s really nice to have so many options for outfits and being small and dainty and cute is exactly the vibe I want to give off. But on the other hand it feels shitty that it is because of my own unhealthiness, especially when that unhealthiness is directly tied to my being trans and getting kicked out, unable to really afford to eat much until basically last week.
And I feel like, again, I’m not really allowed to feel bad about this, since it goes so counter to the usual trans fem issues. My aforementioned friend was angry when I posted pics of my new outfit because of the fact that I was able to fit in nice clothes. I’m ultimately privileged to be able to wear this stuff, and to be able to present more femininely without as much trouble as a lot of other trans fems.
This is a dumb vent though, I might delete this soon since I feel bad even typing it out, and I feel like there might be a few people here with a similar reaction to that of my friend. I don’t want to make people feel shitty about themselves like I made her feel a few days ago, especially since I’d then tried giving those bits of advice I knew and it backfired with her getting a bit more annoyed at me.
Sorry, didn’t intend for this to become a vent post, I’ll definitely try to work on the fashion thing at some point though since I still think it might be fun to finish that up finally after having posted it here as advice a few months back. And I’m sure at least someone here would appreciate it.
Might also do a transfem lolita guide at some point for funsiesAs a tall transfemme I personally give you permission to feel sad about dysphoria
Alright when you put it that way I guess that entire vent was kinda silly. Thank you though, that sorta realisation about how silly my feelings can sometimes be always make me feel better when I’m spiraling. 💜
(Not to say I don’t think they were valid to feel, just that a little chuckle at my expense makes me feel a bit better usually.)
I wasnt trying to invalidate your feelings! I mean, of course I don’t want you or anyone else to experience dysphoria, but I also want you to know your feelings are valid!
Oh no no don’t worry it wasn’t invalidating at all! It was just like, the summing up of my multi-paragraph vent into ‘feeling like I don’t have permission to be sad about dysphoria’ is really funny and accurate in a way that made me feel better. It’s just also this happens quite often to me where I spiral and vent out paragraphs and then someone sums it in a way that I find super silly and makes me feel better.
Your feelings are completely valid :meow-heart: I can definitely relate to “well other people have it worse so how can I complain”, but you know that’s not true. Being tall when you don’t want to be sucks, even if other people are taller 🤷.
I’ll fight them 🤷 and kick their asses. There’s no reason for anyone to be angry at you because what, you’ve starved yourself down to a small? ridiculous. It really sounds like your friend is the one with an issue (although please don’t slip into an ED).
Okay this actually made me tear up a little to read, thank you so much, I think I really needed to hear this.
Also the ED likely won’t be a problem, I’m in a position now where I can afford food and I’ve been eating decently now because of it. Not quite as much as when I was living with my parents, but enough that I feel healthier than I have in months. I’m actually feeling really nice about my food situation rn since I’ve reached a point where I’ve been able to motivate myself to at least cook one proper meal every day instead of meal planning, and that has been a real comfort. The meals themselves are usually basic stuff like simple pasta but that still makes me feel really nice to be able to do after so long where I couldn’t muster that motivation more than once every few weeks. (I even bake on weekends for little treats and that’s been very fun)
I’m glad :care: I was very tired when I posted so I wasn’t sure if I was being helpful or not.
That’s great to hear! I love simple meals! And yes, baking on the weekends is very fun. I usually end up making at least one treat on the weekend.