The goal of this post is to function as a vent post. Tell us what’s on your mind, yell, post pics, do whatever to clear your mind.
So yesterday my father in law and I went to this lake for a morning swim. It was 8 degrees celsius (46F) outside, the water was probably of a similar temperature. There were a few fishermen walking around in special wetsuits as to not get hypothermia and they were staring in disbelief at two guys walking into the water in underwear.
It was cold as fuck to the point that the cold water did nothing but hurt my skin. I swam for around ten minutes I think and the entire time I kept thinking: why would anyone do this? Why do humans feel the need to go to great lengths to do stupid shit like this? Surely it has to be more than just adrenaline.
Did I enjoy swimming in cold water? I don’t know. It made feel alive-ish. Would I do it again? It does have a certain lure to it.
It did make me think about people bragging about ‘suffering’. For example, my gf and I want to try to keep the heating off until at least the 21st of December, because shit is expensive yo. But when someone mentions that they already have the heating on, I start feeling proud of myself in a way. Because I don’t have the heating on yet, and I’m fine. Money is not even what I think about then, just that I am able to tolerate more cold or something stupid like that. I have no idea why I do that. It’s completely in line with my ideology and party work. But it still happens. Why do humans do this?
Also: FUCK CAPITALISM
So many things to vent about; perhaps it’s going to be a ventroduction of sorts (or maybe a rantroduction).
Should i perhaps start with the fact that i greatly like games of tabletop (boardgames, wargames, games of role), even if i don’t necessarily play (or run) them well or can afford those of them whose components require monies and effort? So yes, one day (was it 2019? 2020?) i decided to check LANCER (that one mech rpg by the author of Kill Six Billion Demons the webcomic, which i was also reading for occasional angel designs if nothing else).
It was during my stay on the game’s discord server when i first heard of the term “tankies”. Then, i decided to learn more of these mysterious tankies (who, apparently, were people with reasonable positions who were also hated on the server for some reason); discovered r/communism, then r/genzedong and r/genzhou. “Hey, as long as i don’t speak too much about politics in there, i might stay for the rules, previews, playtests, and various other tabletop discussion”, i thought, even as i saw the denizens - and admins - post about DPRK bad no light satellite photos, Holodomor, and a local game designer proudly posting artwork of airplanes with two-arrow emblems obviously inspired by those of the Iron Front (and receiving words of approval). Then, later days of this year’s February happened (not the 24th yet, the ones before); they reopened and rethemed their crisis channel, and someone from among the staff said something to the effect of “no truth can come out of Russia”.
This was the last day of my stay on that server. Shame; the eponymous roleplaying game of the server is perhaps one of the most thoroughly playtested among those focusing on grid combat. “Can still run it and have fun”, i thought.
Then, the 24th happened. Given that one of my players was from the blue-and-yellow country, continuing to run the game with that exact party turned into an unfeasible prospect.
Worse yet, a number of discord-based (and sometimes supported with meatspace gatherings) communities i belonged to decided to show their support for the blue-and-yellow state and whoever’s in charge (these communities being primarily russian-speaking; loathsome meduza-and-doxa-and-TJ-readers they turned out to be).
Worse still, i should really have expected a dear partner of mine, one living somewhat away from me (a difficulty we have cleared temporarily two times, both of them some years ago, and haven’t found a permanent solution yet), to not share with me the position on the conflict many of you share; one of her close friends (whom she is familiar with for longer than with me) is a literal white-red-whiter, a slavaukrainer, and, unsurprisingly, an IT spec who moved to Georgia and urged her to do the same (she hasn’t followed yet); she thought that clearing the distance difficulty this year (and communicating face-to-face) might help our relations, but i got the current virus on the exact days i was due to board the train; now, she’s found herself a new primary candidate (one from among these communities above, also a denier of ukronazism), although she doesn’t want to cut comms with me either.
I am now seeing it everywhere.
The head admin of a certain russian-speaking rpg discussion site, surprisingly, happened to be a supporter of the Special Operation; in response, another user (who translated Apocalypse World) decided to delete all his posts; in response, the head admin banned him to prevent such a loss of materials. Yet another one (from the blue-and-yellow state) decided to do the same and also called the head admin a rashist.
Heads of Russia-based tabletop rpg outfits and those linked (video gamedev, game journalism etc.)? Often these exact sorts of libs; meduza-reading, TJ-reading, doxa-reading. I’ve been reading Лучшие Компьютерные Игры (Best Computer Games), while the magazine was alive; now, i have discovered that at least one of its staff was adoring the maidan paraphernalia when it was happening, and another one now lives in the United States and actively posts anti-Russian stuff for that sweet money.
Current leadership of Pinnacle, those who make Savage Worlds? According to some from among the team of Red Land (a Russian Civil War-based rpg setting), these are open anticommunists who won’t accept their material for licensing again (apparently because the Reds aren’t the absolute evil in the Red Land).
Evil Hat, those who make Fate? All the same stuff; evil dictatorship genocide Holodomor etc. Same with SJ Games (of GURPS fame).
I am double-checking many things now. Site users, “proposed friends” over VK, discord servers. Left the /gdg/ server when they started talking about helping the blue-and-yellow state; left Facebook when the same happened; left the EYES Project (a deep rework of Adeptus Evangelion) server when one of the regulars began telling that Vaush is their fave political youtuber. Pruned my friend lists over discord and VK as well.
Many such “friends” have left the country, fearing mobilization or other things. Guess i should’ve got better educated on communism stuff much, much earlier - as not to become attached to such characters too much.
In hindsight, should’ve kicked some of these from campaigns much earlier as well.
There’s one or two meatspace-based acquaintances left to explore their positions. Perhaps a gathering is in order; i should, however, expect answers i would fear the most.
The one developer i mentioned above, the one with iron front airplanes, got an entire game already; among the playbooks (character archetypes), there is the Believer. Playbooks have their regulations on their trust of other characters; the Believer’s trust block says “Trust no one” in bold, underlined several times. Despite the flawed politics of the author, i feel like i’m approaching that.
Running and playing games of role (or other tabletop) proves to be somewhat difficult now, as i start selecting potential players in a more thorough fashion. This is, however, not the worst thing that could happen - and not the worst thing you here might be experiencing; at least i still have a place to inhabit, some (family-based) guarantee of sustenance, and time to waste on games.