I need serious help, comrades. I thought I was doing better, maybe I was lying to myself, maybe I’m insane, I don’t know.

All I know is I’ve spent far too much money on drugs, doing them super often, and in places I shouldn’t be. Anything I could afford.

I’m so down and so dysfunctional that I am struggling to hold down jobs or do much of anything without the aid of being fucked up. Last night I got so demolished (ketamine + weed) that I couldn’t function around my girlfriend. It was embarrassing. I was having full on schizophrenic like experiences and the worst self esteem issues I’ve ever experienced and I realized that I was fucking my life and body up and headed down a very dark path. Said some embarrassing shit too.

I feel like such a loser. Not for finally getting help but for where I put myself and just I don’t know

I’m sorry everyone

If anyone has anything inspirational or anything to say I’d appreciate it because I’m in a spiral right now

I still feel like I’m in the void

Is this forever because it feels like it’s already been forever

  • @TeezyZeezyOP
    4•2 years ago

    Yeah, that is an important piece.

    She wasn’t mad really, just worried for me and wanted to help. I apologized and we are going to the gym together and spending the rest of the day with each other just talking and making some of our favorite foods. I didn’t say anything mean, just brutally honest about my mental state right now that I’m ashamed of (I know I probably shouldn’t be but I can’t help it)

    Thank you, my friend. I really hope this works. I’m going to keep trying for my family, girlfriend, and the revolution. <3