• The_Filthy_Commie
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    1
    ·
    1 day ago

    This looks like a great bit for an internal monologue, about the crisis of faith, loss of self, whether you’re there or not, whether these people are for real, and what are you doing here. It could go something like this:

    ‘‘Folks, we got the best crowds, beautiful crowds, I tell ya, just looking around, peeping through the donut hole and into the stove. You saw me making fries? I make the best fries, they never looked so toasty and golden, like my apartment, brilliant like me. You see me standing here, but what does it all mean? Look at this crowd, folks, we got the biggest crowds, check out that guy over there (points), the fake news media is always saying people walk out, but I never see them leaving, that guy went to the bathroom and came back, nobody’s leaving, but I’m leaving after this rally, you’re all leaving. People say we’re crazy, but you will come out to vote for me, I don’t care about you, maybe I don’t care about myself, but you’re cheering like I cheered for those golden fries, and they clapped back. The salty ‘‘El Dorado’’, you guys ever heard of that place? Some Spanish conquistadors were looking for a place made of gold, but I knew where it was, the biggest gold reserves you’ve ever seen, so magical, like amorphous energy. What am I doing here? (He turns around). The mic isn’t working, feels like that time I had to wait for an order of 4 Fish Fillets with fries, so toasty, so beautiful, or, believe me, that time at Mar-E-Lago when the valet parking went 2mins over the usual, but we have the best valet service, so it’s all water under the bridge. Folks, the sound people came over, they took the sound from me, I can’t get through, I’ll keep walking around and no one will notice we got a sound problem. Look at that hipster back there, we got the best hipsters, so beardy, with glasses, like those nerds back in school, I keep saying it, but nobody can hear me. Who came up with ‘‘Make Detroit Great Again?’’ MDGA, Mmd-gah? Doesn’t roll off like ‘‘MAGA’’. These campaign people can’t pitch camp, slogans, or catchphrases, why can’t they be like those donut energies? Always golden, always round, looks like the sound isn’t coming back, like that shit I took yesterday at that McDonalds, it’s why we had to close down, the dookie was too big. That sound lady is coming back, but they can’t hear me, nobody can hear me, and they aren’t leaving, nobody is leaving.’’

  • InevitableSwing [none/use name]@hexbear.netOP
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    29
    ·
    3 days ago

    From his dance party, he’s learned that if he just stands on stage he can get people to clap and cheer for him. This is his perfect evening- he does nothing and he feels the love his father never gave him.

  • SorosFootSoldier [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    21
    ·
    3 days ago

    So I’ve decided it’s impossible to parody Trump. This is something I’d write up as a fakenews headline about him. The man could literally go up on stage in a diaper and start scooping poop out of it and sling it at the crowd and these freaks would fight each other over a piece.

    • InevitableSwing [none/use name]@hexbear.netOP
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      12
      ·
      3 days ago

      these freaks would fight each other over a piece.

      And fight with their wives about it. The wives think it’s disgusting and they want to sell it on Ebay. But the husbands want to keep the holy excrement and - of course - put it in a place of honor.

      So I’ve decided it’s impossible to parody Trump.

      Satire is definitely impossible. When I do a parody I have to dial it up 11. It would be interesting if we had downvotes. I’m sure some Hexbears such jokes are stupid but what can I do? I have to leave the real world behind. Anything not super silly Trump could trump within hours. A recent effort - https://hexbear.net/comment/5523225

      I wish Mark Twain was alive. I’d like to see him try to create Trumpian satire. But I assume last year he would have already post something like “Fuck it. No more Trump satire from me. The man has made it impossible.”

  • FnordPrefect [comrade/them, he/him]@hexbear.net
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    11
    ·
    3 days ago

    trump-anguish “C’mon guys, I thought we had really figured out how to lose elections. What is going on here?”

    the-republican “Have you seen the takes Kamala’s been putting out lately? It’s just not fair.”

    trump-anguish “Hurry up and figure something out. I’m desperate here!”

    the-republican “Well, there was that one person who was even less popular than Kamala whose playbook we could copy…”

    trump-kaneki