But consider the far more terrifying

Taylor Swift ® vs Tucker Carlson (D)

White billionaire lady shacking up with Travis Kelce a Democrat lol I’ll have what you’re having

Edit: Kelce isn’t as bad as appearances suggest apparently so it looks like what I’m having is crow

Tucker takes joe rogan to increase his likeability and reach but is initially smashed in polling due to the ADLs efforts so he is dropped in favor of kyle rittenhouse who ignites the voter base. This boost causes Taylor Swift to select Jennifer Lawrence after she takes the libverse by storm with her comment ‘politicks is just like the hunger games.’

The Dems run with ‘hungirlboss’ as their campaign slogan.

I dunno who takes it but whoever wins the popular vote loses the election.

And youre right, Republicans won’t vote for him, that’s why Kanye will get the next open Supreme Court seat.

Posting at work gang. Swift picks Pete as her VP for “political experience” and Carlson picks Rogan. This causes divorce rates to skyrocket and Swift wins and proceeds to ban ADS-B, causing the worst transportation disaster in history once a month. John Hickenlooper runs as an independent on a weed based platform and gets 20% of the vote after Biden doubles the minimum sentence for weed in a move to loose the election intentionally.

Jeff Tiedreich (D)

Taylor is picking Olivia Rodrigo for VP.

Loyal Swiftie follower of hers, so Taylor won’t fear a mutiny, and Rodrigo has music promoting the working class so they can try to win the Union vote as well as the young liberal women of color vote.

I’d vote Taylor-Olivia 2028!

What is going on?

As far as unlikely but plausibly imaginable scenarios, Jon Stewart (D) vs Joe Rogan ® feels like there’s at least a couple alternate timelines where it happens. Libs would eat up the “comedian with principles telling it like it is” schtick of Stewart and draw and fawn over him as “America’s Zelensky” if that’s still relevant in 2028, and his record of fighting for healthcare and benefits for 9/11 first responders gives him flag-wavin’ patriotic cred.

Rogan’s been chud adjacent and has cozied up to multiple right wing politicians and media people before, but also was sympathetic to Bernie so he could pitch himself as being “previously apolitical but had to throw my hat in the ring when I saw how crazy PC culture and wokeness were getting” or whatever. He could carve out a path for himself as a rich famous macho bro that’s also vaguely hippie-ish and conspiratorial like Jesse Ventura did.

Nah I think it’d be Schwifty Vs… Sandler

Step away from the laith

To me, it sounds like the same thing. Again.