I am a very misunderstood individual in many ways, and it seems that, with that, something that a lot of people, even other black people, cannot understand is my damn hair.

I have freeform dreadlocks. My hair was crafted in such a fashion entirely by nature. It took no salon appointments, it took no special technique using a sponge or microfiber towel, and the only thing I actively “do” to my hair for maintenance is that I wash it with a specialty 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner every 5 days. That’s it. I also sleep on bed sheets and pillowcases made of polyester satin to prevent friction that you’d normally get overnight.

I have been very damn patient with this process, waiting a long time to get my hair at the length and maturity that it is now. It still continues to grow and develop, and every single change I notice in the mirror makes my heart light up with joy and excitement.

Recently, I had a family member who hadn’t seen me in person in a very long time say “Angel, you need a comb!”. Her tone made it sound a joke, but there is no such thing as that shit being a fucking joke for me.

Imagine me being very happy, content, and excited with how I’m going about my hair, finding a lot of peace in the process and the way I handle it, and some person in my own fucking family offers a suggestion where they effectively fucking say “Throw away everything you’ve been doing with your hair by my own simple-minded recommendation.” I didn’t fucking ask you to comment on my damn hair in the first place!

I notice a lot of people who make these comments because they think my hairstyle might be “unintentional.” Like, they might be thinking, “You got a bunch of “messy” dreads that don’t look like the neat and stylish manicured dreadlocks that a lot of other people with dreadlocks have? Oh, that must be because you got there by mistake by being too negligent with taking care of your hair. Let me offer you a suggestion!”

Because my hair is unconventional, I think this leads people to feel a burning need to not just let it slide. They’ve never seen a hairstyle like this in their life, so surely they must fucking comment on it, right? No, they don’t need to fucking comment on it! Even if my hairstyle is “unconventional,” stop fucking assuming that I want to hear what you have to say about my hair, and furthermore, stop fucking assuming that I want you to specifically give me recommendations for other ways I can go about my hair because I don’t fucking want to go about my hair in a different way. And don’t even get me started on ways crackers have reacted to my hair.

I picked my hairstyle for multiple reasons, including the cultural connection to my Afro-Caribbean heritage, specifically how easy it is to maintain it, how it only costs me the occasional refill of shampoo, how it lets me give a big fuck you to typical beauty standards around hair, its uniqueness (its natural essence means that every set of freeform dreads is special in its own way), and that I simply just fucking like how it looks on me.

I am tired of people assuming that I’m, at all, open to anything different. I like what I’m doing with my hair, and that’s that. I don’t want to do “semi-freeform” dreadlocks or go for braids, manicured dreads, or anything else. I am doing exactly what I want, and if people can’t have the decency to simply accept that and shut the fuck up, then they better not be surprised when I don’t act decent when they open their mouth about it.

This situation is the most “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” moment I’ve ever had.