Me, five hours into explaining what a film is, the existence of Hollywood, the existence of a country over the sea called ‘America’, the internet and what woke means: “ok so basically, in the year of our lord two thousand and fourteen there was this thing called ‘Gamer Gate’ and single men who couldn’t have sex would harass women for criticising video games”
Medieval serf with like seven different intestinal parasites 
: “wtf is a pronoun?”
Ġēa, on þæt Ġēar 1492 sē Sċipmann Christopher Columbus āfand þæt Land, þe on mīne Tīde ƿē nemnaþ America,— þār lifdon and ġīet libbaþ maniġ and maniġfeald Þēod, heora Nama þē biþ Scrælingas,— and Columbus sīne Menn and ōþre Menn blāces Hȳde of Lande þīnum drǣpon maniġne Scræling þe macodon Þrǣlas of him, and on Americas Land þā Menn blāces Hȳde ƿorhton Cyneƿīsan sīne.— And þǣrof, on ānre Cyneƿīsan, California, on Ċeastre Hollyƿood, siþþan þæt Ġēar 1900, Menn ƿyrċaþ Lēasspell, þe ƿē magon sēon and ġehīeran of grēatum Ƿāgum Gaderunghealla ūrra and of Ġealdorfenestrum ealra Hūsa.— Ƿiþ þissum Fenestrum tō ƿē magon sprecan ƿiþ Menn feorre.— And Menn, þe feohtaþ ƿiþ Unrihtƿīsnesse Cyneƿīsena, on mīne Tīde ƿē nemnaþ “Ƿōc”; þā, þe þās Unrihtƿīsnesse lufiaþ, and Ƿīfmenn, Bædlingas, Scrælingas, and Hȳde deorce hatiaþ, ƿē nemnaþ “Ċēode”;— and Ċēode ƿiþ Ġealdorfenestrum lēogaþ, þe Ƿōc ƿiþ Lēasspellum sprǣdeþ Ġelēafan hearmfullan.— Lā, þæt Sōþ biþ þæt Ċēode dōþ þæt hīe ƿrēġaþ ōþerra!
I cannot assert how correct this is, I basically just used Wiktionary and Old English Wikipedia to find all the words
Yea, in the year 1492 the sailor Christopher Columbus discovered the land that in my tide we name America,— there lived and still live many a manifold nation, their name to thee is Scrælings,— and Columbus’ men and other men of pale skin from thy country slayed many a Scræling or made thralls of them, and on America’s land the men of pale skin wrought their own commonwealths.— And thereof, in one commonwealth, California, in the city Hollywood, since the year 1900, men have wrought fictional tales, that we can see and hear from the great walls of our gathering-halls and from magic-windows in all houses.— With these windows too we can speak with men from afar.— And men who fight against the injustices of the commonwealths in my tide we name “woke”; those who love these injustices, and hate women, badlings, scrælings, and dark skin, we name “chuds”;— and chuds with magic-windows lie that woke with fictional tales spreadeth harmful beliefs.— Lo, the truth is that chuds do what they accuse of others!
Did your Scandinavian help ye in this endeavor?
Quite a bit, actually.