I’ve really been having a rough mental health day/week. I’m pretty sure I’m in autistic burnout, and the list of bullshit that I’ve been through is long as fuck.

A couple of years ago I had to move out of state, unplanned, all at once, in a single day, because we (my brother and partner) needed to escape a domestic violence situation, where I had to beat the dogshit out of my mother’s husband because he put his hands on my partner (and didn’t learn from that), then thought he could put his hands on me; this bum ass nigga called the cops on me and they arrested me, likely because my mother and her husband lied about the sequence of events to the police.

After about a month of living out of a hotel, being bounced around from place to place looking for housing aid that we just never got, we had to go live with my partner’s father, who, for some fuckin reason, brought in some random woman that he was dating in the house without even consulting any of us who had just been though a stressful situation, which caused a lot of friction between my partner and her dad (she was also a fucking weirdo who apparently was semi-rich, maybe petit bourgeois), which led to us needing to leave and go somewhere else.

But because we didn’t have enough time to find a suitable place to meet all of our needs we rushed to rent an apartment that wasn’t even up to code. We experienced problems not even a week into living there as the fucking hot water and the stove didn’t even work. There was mold growing in the attic that spread down to even the bottom floor of the house (it was a two story) and a giant hole in the roof that let in water when it rained, and the water damaged the ceiling so badly my brother had to move out of his room and into the living room. We experienced health issues because of the mold as well. And after all of that the place was condemned and we had to leave.

It was difficult trying to find a new place to stay because most places wanted a fuckin 700+ credit score for the dinkiest lookin ass apartments. Eventually my partner worked out something with her coworker, which basically entailed that if we cleaned up the place and paid some of the bills we could stay there.

What we didn’t fuckin know was that she (my partner’s coworker) didn’t actually fully own the upstairs apartment (and some more legal bullshit that was none of our business) and only four days after moving in some middle aged white dude came by claiming he owned the fuckin place. My partner’s coworker had us sit in our car while she concocted this ridiculous fuckin story about my partner being her cousin and we were actually staying downstairs in her apartment. None of this was done with our consent or input, and the “plan” was to fuckin pretend that we lived downstairs, which was impossible because all of our stuff was upstairs.

Soon after we didn’t even seen dumbfuck white guy, and the days turned to weeks since we saw him, so ofc my partner’s coworker thought everything was hunky-dory and proceeded to act like nothing was wrong.

That was, until about a week before Christmas the dumbfuck white guy came back and tried to force his way in (the other part of the “plan” was to physically block the door with a bar). The guy called my partner’s coworker and threatened to call the police, meanwhile she’s telling us over the phone to come downstairs, nothing is gonna happen to us (oh and she knew my partner and I don’t fuck with the police, she knew we had PTSD), and once we went downstairs she didnt fucking take care of anything, she tried to get us to fucking hide while the police looked around our apartment. They came to the door and she didn’t answer it, and it wasn’t until they were talking about towing our car and my partner yelled at them. They stormed in the place and she tried to protect me (at this point we didn’t know what they were gonna do) and the fuckin piece of shit pig slammed her into the floor and dragged her out of the house. We weren’t being threatening or violent, they just immediately fucking escalated everything.

Where was my partner’s coworker? Hiding behind the fuckin Christmas tree while I had to talk to the fuckin pigs. I didn’t even notice she’d disappeared until the pigs were questioning me and mistakenly thought it was my partner who claimed to own the house. So once again the dumbfuck cracker claiming to own the place was lying about what had happened and of course the pig smoothbrain dumbass just wanted someone to arrest even though we hadn’t committed any crimes.

So in our fucking PJs we were taken to the station and charged with trespassing, and these dumbfuck motherfuckers made us walk back in the rain in sleepwear.

We had to move back to my partner’s dad’s house that night and didn’t even finish getting all of our stuff before the shitty ass cracker started renting the place out.

Things wouldn’t have been too bad but our car completely died like two months ago so she hasn’t been able to work, and has been stuck in the house ever since. We live in a small town with a population of less than 1k, so there’s no choice but to get around in a car. My partner has been desperately putting in job applications (over 150!) for something closer, has gotten a couple of interviews but absolutely nothing after that.

So no money, meaning no cannabis, which is the only thing that helps my AuDHD, and right now even the slightest of frustrations sets me off. I can’t do anything that I enjoy, I wanna work on projects (I’m an artist/music producer) but I just don’t have the energy. I wanna stream and do things to make money from home but I’m indecisive about everything I wanna do, my perfectionist tendencies kick in, and I just feel paralyzed.

The icing on the cake is dealing with the trespassing charges. We had been living there for three months prior to this incident; my partner regularly corresponded with her coworker about further details before we moved in but the phone she was using died. Our lawyer (read: public defender) needed the screenshots proving she had been fine with us living there but when my partner asked for them she ignored her for a few days and then wanted to act like the entire time we weren’t supposed to fucking be there? So now she’s not answering my partner nor giving us the screenshots we need to help our case.

Her stupid ass didn’t even fucking get charged with anything??? I don’t get why she has to be so fuckin difficult in a situation that she was fuckin responsible for. We didn’t answer the door when the police knocked because it wasn’t our fuckin house.

Meanwhile we’ve been to court twice, the second time the fuckin lawyer never got back to any of us so they just pushed the court date back. All of this shit over a fuckin misdemeanor mind you, and this bum ass place is like an hour and a half away from where we are now.

I honestly haven’t really had to chance to tell anyone about this because I don’t really have any more friends, I’m not in therapy and I always felt like it was just too much to explain.