If you respond in kindness, there’s an outsized chance you’ll be attacked in kind.
“If you’re nice, you have a higher chance of being attacked.” Have literally never experienced this. If I’m nice first, people are generally nice because people will match the mood of what they’re engaging with. If you come in hostile, you’re going to immediately make enemies. If you come in friendly, you’re gonna make friends. Moreover, I often don’t give a damn about the person I’m actively responding to if they’re being a dick. What I care about is setting an example for everyone else. They’re too far gone. They’re a lost cause. You can try but it’s unlikely that an internet comment is going to change their opinion because they’ve already entrenched themselves. But the others on the sidelines? They’re seeing one hateful dude who’s spitting at everyone and one dude who is just being nice. Generally they will side with the nice dude. Moreover, you can make it abundantly clear you’re not a target while still being nice and still being polite. This isn’t some black magic voodoo that’s been lost to time. Pretty simple and easy to do. Canadians and New Zealanders do it every day like they’re breathing.
So lots of people choose to attack first rather than be a victim of being attacked. It’s a strategy that only works if enough people choose it.
Doesn’t matter how many people choose it. Could be the majority. You’d still be a bad person.
There isn’t an excuse for being hostile and a dick at the start. None. Ever. If they start with something hostile, be polite back but firm and say that you don’t know if it was meant that way or not but it came off insulting. You will, however, assume that it wasn’t insulting. They then either back off and say it wasn’t and everythings chill or they confirm it was insulting. In which case you politely point out why they’re not welcome here, what they did wrong, and perhaps how to fix it. Then you move on with your life. If you’re actively throwing the same hate back at them then you’re better then them but not by much. You’re still adding to the problem. You’re still tossing fuel on the fire. Block buttons exist. Ban buttons exist. There’s no excuse for insulting other people. Don’t care if they insulted you first. Be the better person and walk away because otherwise you are caring more about them and what they think of you than they care about you.
Note: I’m not saying being tolerant of hate. There’s a time and a place. I just mean that matching the energy they’re giving is not only insane but completely futile. You’re letting them win.
Yeah, I agree with you. But your strategy requires not allowing (or giving the appearance of not allowing) someone to get to you. If someone says something that pisses you off, you’re probably going to reply while pissed off. I’m not saying this is the optimal strategy, I’m saying it’s just what people do.
I’m neurodivergent, so I usually don’t get wrapped up in conversations like that, but even I fall for it sometimes.
I still don’t understand. Like at all.
“If you’re nice, you have a higher chance of being attacked.” Have literally never experienced this. If I’m nice first, people are generally nice because people will match the mood of what they’re engaging with. If you come in hostile, you’re going to immediately make enemies. If you come in friendly, you’re gonna make friends. Moreover, I often don’t give a damn about the person I’m actively responding to if they’re being a dick. What I care about is setting an example for everyone else. They’re too far gone. They’re a lost cause. You can try but it’s unlikely that an internet comment is going to change their opinion because they’ve already entrenched themselves. But the others on the sidelines? They’re seeing one hateful dude who’s spitting at everyone and one dude who is just being nice. Generally they will side with the nice dude. Moreover, you can make it abundantly clear you’re not a target while still being nice and still being polite. This isn’t some black magic voodoo that’s been lost to time. Pretty simple and easy to do. Canadians and New Zealanders do it every day like they’re breathing.
Doesn’t matter how many people choose it. Could be the majority. You’d still be a bad person.
There isn’t an excuse for being hostile and a dick at the start. None. Ever. If they start with something hostile, be polite back but firm and say that you don’t know if it was meant that way or not but it came off insulting. You will, however, assume that it wasn’t insulting. They then either back off and say it wasn’t and everythings chill or they confirm it was insulting. In which case you politely point out why they’re not welcome here, what they did wrong, and perhaps how to fix it. Then you move on with your life. If you’re actively throwing the same hate back at them then you’re better then them but not by much. You’re still adding to the problem. You’re still tossing fuel on the fire. Block buttons exist. Ban buttons exist. There’s no excuse for insulting other people. Don’t care if they insulted you first. Be the better person and walk away because otherwise you are caring more about them and what they think of you than they care about you.
Note: I’m not saying being tolerant of hate. There’s a time and a place. I just mean that matching the energy they’re giving is not only insane but completely futile. You’re letting them win.
Yeah, I agree with you. But your strategy requires not allowing (or giving the appearance of not allowing) someone to get to you. If someone says something that pisses you off, you’re probably going to reply while pissed off. I’m not saying this is the optimal strategy, I’m saying it’s just what people do.
I’m neurodivergent, so I usually don’t get wrapped up in conversations like that, but even I fall for it sometimes.