Monogamous relationships are centered on a single partner with whom you share intimacy and sexual desire. This type of relationship can already bring out some challenges, like jealousy, resentment, fights, or insecurities in general. Even with a shared agreement that you and your partner will exclusively dedicate their intimacy with yourselves, these feelings already pop up here and then.

Polyamory, polygamy, or non-monogamous relationships in general can have different “formats”, but this type of relationship is solely focused on dialogue and internal agreements. Here is the main points and difference between them:

• Open relationships: usually there is a single partner with whom you develop intimacy and sex, but both agree that sex outside the relationship is allowed, but not intimacy.

• Polygamy: it’s based on a shared relationship between more than 2 partners. Like 3 people under the same relationship, and having a relationship with each other. Intimacy and sex is usually shared among all partners, but it sometimes happen that 2 partners do not share a relationship. For instance a relationship where a woman has 2 boyfriends, and the boyfriends may have a friendship between each other, but not necessarily have sex together.

• Polyamory: it’s an absolute non-exclusive relationship, similar to open relationships, but intimacy and sex is allowed. It tends to revolve around two partners, each allowed to have other non-exclusive relationships, be them casual or fixed.

It’s an illusion to think these types of relationships are exempt from insecurities, jealousy, and that every person involved in the relationship are confident enlightened higher beings incapable of feeling insecure. This is a distorted characterization of these relationships. In polyamory, you’ll still have to deal with jealousy, envy, resentment, and insecurities in general, both from yourself and your partners, but it can be a thousand times more intense than monogamous relationships.

There’s always that male chauvinist who loves the idea of dating two women, but they can’t fathom the idea of the woman he loves meeting, loving, kissing and having great sex with another man. For men, indoctrinated on the idea of sexual exclusivity (for women, not them lol), it can be quite tough to accept this situation and learning to deal with it. Polyamory is a journey in dealing with your deepest insecurities, and learning to deal with your partners’ insecurities as well. It’s definitely not an easy task, because it’s already not easy to be responsible with a single partner’s emotions, let alone two or more.

This is why I say polyamory is not for every one. Though it’s solely based on dialogue and mutual freedom, it involves much more responsibilities than monogamous relationships, and it’s way tougher to deal with insecurities and self-esteem crises. You need to be prepared to suffer a lot, and be ready to deal with your own issues, and also talking to your partners about it.

I’ve been in a non-monogamous relationship for 4 years now, and it’s been a ride. For the most part I felt self-confident, but here and then I felt really bad, like anxiety, low self-esteem, jealousy and envy. Even though it happened only a few times, it was one of the worst sensations I’ve ever felt in my life. And even though I have a second partner, this shit’s not easy, and it doesn’t get easier lmao. For me, I adopt this relationship because of self-discovery. You learn more about yourself by exposing yourself to certain situations, and you find in yourself things to work out on.