autism sucks it is a disease that should be rid with eugenics is what i think sometimes. i suck at being social(i fear social rejection) this makes me depressed which makes suicidal which makes me order a rope. unfortunately i have told people about this in the past and they take away my means to kill. this them causes me to cut myself to distract myself from the pain of loosing friends due to “school rules” cutting hurts a lot how do i stop this cycle the worse bit about his is that i never get a chance to kill myself i have no one to reach out to
btw i don’t have access to a phone and there are people in house who will judge and hurt me for calling a suicide hotline
You might want to look into an outpatient program. They essentially provide resources you like you’re a hospital patient but at home.
From a logical perspective (and as someone who has been suicidal, i know this might not make much sense.) Also I’m not a professional just a random guy on the internet so don’t come at me:
Based on what you’ve written you’re more afraid about being hurt and judged by your family than you are about committing suicide. You need to leave that situation and find a situation that does not lead to thinking the only solution is ending your life. Your goal should be survival so it may make sense to find a safe place.
Please do not hurt others or yourself but do what you need to do to survive.
Sounds like you need to talk to a proffesional. Can you leave the house to call a doctor/hotline?