• Mr_nutter_butter@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    8
    ·
    10 months ago

    I’ve been trying to figure out how I make friends a lot I have no fucking clue guys I’m so sorry I guess it helps if you are in autistic circles a lot

    • HeapOfDogs@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      7
      ·
      10 months ago

      Here is my 101. All relationships are based on time spent together. You need a lot of hours spent together before the relationship really takes shape.

      If you want to make friends you need to spend time with people you like and who like you back. When hanging out ask them questions. Once they answer, ask follow up questions to show you are listening.

      A clue you found someone who likes you back is if they ask questions about you. When you find someone like this be vulnerable, but open up gradually. Don’t share your darkest secret on day one. It’s overwhelming.

      Make sure to also thank people for spending time with you. As an example, “it was really nice seeing you and talking to you. The time we spend together means a lot to me. I’m looking forward to the next time we hang out!”

      Also be mindful of the energy you bring to the conversation. If you are all doom and gloom all the time it’s going to bum people out. Make sure you balance the conversation with positive or interesting topics.

      If you have no idea what to do with someone ask them if they would like to go for a walk. In the park, around the block - whatever. Walking and talking is a great easy activity.

    • TechyDad@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      2
      ·
      10 months ago

      I have no clue either. I don’t have any friends. I have one friend from high school/college, but I moved about 200 miles away when I married my wife. We text each other occasionally, but it’s not like we’re going to hang out together.

      I’ve thought of trying to make friends, but the thought of going out, meeting people, and trying to make a connection with them fills me with anxiety at levels I haven’t felt since my dating days. In fact, it’s very much the same anxiety. No, the end result of these meetings isn’t quite the same. (I’m looking for a friend, not a girlfriend.) Still, there’s that feeling of needing to socialize and make yourself vulnerable in the hopes that you match up properly with someone.

      Until recently, I’ve contented myself with my wife and boys. But my boys are getting older. My oldest is already in university and my youngest is going there in the next few years. So I’ll eventually be left with just me and my wife. And I work from home now, so I don’t even have co-workers to socialize with.

      The desire to find a friend is rising, but so far hasn’t beaten the anxiety of meeting new people.