I just can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t go back to repressing wanting it. I used to think it was pointless because it wouldn’t feminize me enough to make a difference and at this point, that thought doesn’t even dissuade me.
My partner’s been so great and supportive but she’s not into femme people, so we’d end up just being platonic coparents. She’s my best friend and I’m not brave enough to tell her but it’s also not fair to keep from her.
I just feel like I lose no matter what. Every option involves hurting my best friend. It’s just not fair to anyone involved.
I repressed my gender for ~7 years after coming out as nonbinary/questioning to my husband, when he said “as long as you’re not a transman or don’t get a beard.”
Spoilers, I’m a transman.
Those 7 years were horrible for my mental and physical health. I lost so much.
I can’t say what the right choice is for you. Having kids must make your decision even harder. Whatever you choose, you are valid.
But in my experience, the dysphoria and need to transition only got stronger with age. Until it finally got to the point where I think repressing it any longer would have literally killed me.