Assuming you’re a normal person and therefore have a complicated, toxic relationship with your family such that you don’t want your estate split evenly between your next of kin, a will with which to scorn each of them one last time.
Don’t skip the paperwork for declaring your executor and/or a living will either - you don’t want those presumedly slimy bastards making medical decisions for you while you’re in a coma.
You should will each person you want to scorn at least one dollar. They then can not argue that they were simply forgotten.
Well, there’s the obvious will, but since it doesn’t specify how you die: an advanced directive.
An advanced directive is a document wherein you, while living and conscious and with control of your mental faculties, detail end of life care in the event that you are not capable of providing informed consent. You can detail how much and what kind of resuscitative or palliative efforts are made, assign someone you trust to make medical decisions for you, and what to do with your body.
DNRs (do not resuscitate, meaning no CPR done on you if your heart stops) are parts of advance directives and if you are serious about one make sure it gets into your medical chart: EMS personnel MUST provide CPR if it isn’t official.
If your family/friends situation is poor, contentious, and/or you can’t trust them to make the right choices for you medically, this can save you a painful death. Unfortunately, a lot of end of life “care” is the family’s attempt at prolonging the heartbeat of a nearly dead person because they can’t accept loss.
If your situation is good, it can still be a huge load off people’s minds to know that there’s a plan being followed, and it can prevent any rifts from forming. Even though you won’t see it, it’s a kindness to your loved ones to give them some peace of mind during what is often a chaotic and confusing time.
Since your response is matches my thoughts the best An independent executor so your friend or family member isn’t burdened with cleaning up after you while they are still hurt. Also leaves those you live out of the fighting.
Itemize your possessions. Maybe have your friends and family speak up and mention what they would want. Pointedly ask them. This avoids you leaving that green elephant to someone who didn’t want it when you want it to go somewhere it would be appreciated. Label things you want individual people to have. My aunt used dot stickers. Made it so simple.
An independent executor so your friend or family member isn’t burdened with cleaning up after you while they are still hurt.
I don’t know about that. It’ll depend on your circumstances but it’s asking a lot of a friend? My partner is getting everything and he is my executor because all the decisions should be his and because he knows where everything is. I don’t really like the idea of someone else poking through my stuff, either. Or putting him through someone else poking through our stuff.
A letter accusing your worst enemy of your murder, to be sent to the media in the event that you stop resetting your dead man’s switch.
A script that deletes all of your online information.
Would you even care if you’re dead anyway? Maybe some far descendant can stumble across my posts and put them in his family history folder.
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Meh, I’d be more likely to make a script to upload all my remaining information. Not like I got any accounts anyone could use for any personal gain, I’m more of an internet historian archiving old software and stuff.
If it was never intended to be public, you might screw other living people over in the process. Think: revenge porn.
Yeah, but I just said, I archive software and stuff.
My pecker is too tiny for a bit of data. Or is it?.. 🤔
… and then reddit undeletes it
Are they doing that with everyone removing their content lately? So much for having control of your user account and persona.
Instructions on how to contact any online acquaintances or communities that should be informed of your death
A direct cremation plan. And instructions to not have your ashes interred in a graveyard or funeral home. It’ll save your loved ones thousands of dollars, and save them from being exploited by the multi-billion dollar funeral industry.
hold on explain in more detail what should be done
Okay, so:
Direct cremation is a very specific thing that morticians are obligated to provide, at risk of losing their license if they refuse. It costs less than a thousand bucks (but usually a lot less), and they don’t make a lot of money off of it. So, they’re unlikely to offer that service unless you use those specific words: DIRECT CREMATION.
What that means is your body is cremated, and your loved ones get your remains back in a plastic bag in a box. They can spread your ashes wherever you want. Or flush you down the toilet. But they probably shouldn’t do that, because there’s bits of bone in there and that would be really awkward to explain to a plumber. But you get the idea.
Funeral directors will attempt to take advantage of your family’s grief to upsell them on virtually everything imaginable. I mean, you loved X, didn’t you? Don’t they deserve the best? They’re monsters. When my brother died our parents were ready to hand over $15,000 to those ghouls for nothing. I intervened, and the same service they wanted was possible for around $800.
Fuck funeral homes.
According to someone I met recently who shared way too much – a will. Apparently her husband passed away unexpectedly and it has been a nightmare getting everything sorted.
get your will in check too!
weird how no one mentioned anything to do with your organs (i actuakly have no idea what to do with them either rofl what does one do)
I’m donating mine. If any end up still usable.
When my husband died unexpectedly, he had requested to be an organ donor (USA). The funeral home had me sign a consent form to allow his organs to be harvested. I didn’t know which ones, but it was a time-urgent matter. I hope some of his organs went to people who needed them. He was a healthy 30-year-old man.
sorry for your loss thats terrible. also, sorry to say this but are you sure it was a legitimate operation? organ donation is tje US is highly unregulated and many donated bodies domt get used for intended purposes. if you want to know more about that look into ‘stephen douglas gore’.
A parachute.
And a condom. Don’t forget the condom. They double as water transportation bags.
And colostomy bags
Filled with Ramen right? Right?..
a towel. every hitchhiker should carry a towel with them.
Personally i dont care, really.
When i die im dead, so i will stop giving fucks.
I dont care what happens to my body
I dont care what happens to my stuff
Just make sure im dead
If you have dependants, then they certainly care if your affairs are in order, or not. Dealing with the aftermath of a death is not trivial when it comes to number of hoops to jump through.
Not even just dependents but even friends and other family. I recently saw someone go through being an executor of a friend’s will, and that will was relatively in order, and it still took over a year to wind everything up.
Preparing for death is more about relieving the anxieties of your life. Preparing for death can help to lessen anxiety about dying.
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You can actually get that back with a bit of luck:
You line of succession, lest you leave the kingdom vulnerable to imposters and agents of chaos.
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Clean underwear
