After reports of a can of soda spilling on the floor at a Tesla warehouse containing underpaid worke- I mean, happy and lively workers.

Experts are saying that this will cause the inevitable collapse of Tesla as the payment for cleaning the floor will cost the corporation trillions of dollars. Tesla CEO Elon Musk said the following in a statement last Monday, “Even after selling my child X Æ A-12 to the US government for experimentation, I still do not have enough money to pay for the clean-up of that one soda can.”

The Authoritarian US government seeks to bankrupt Tesla and steal all the dogecoin that they have rightfully earned, although experts are left confused after the US did nothing else but increase the military budget by 90 billion dollars and sell off oil in the Gulf of Mexico. Is Tesla secretly hoarding all the oil for the US government to do such things? We will never know, or will we?