I’ve had a crush on a girl for months now. I don’t know why. I just saw her out of no where and thought, “she’s really pretty.” Now I notice her more than anyone else!! Help!!

I don’t want any crushes because I have important things to focus on, but I can’t help but think about her. I find myself fantasizing about hanging out with her and had many dreams about her. And the fact that we made eye contact quite a lot and her appearing out of no where in school did not help at all!!! 😭😭😭

I’ve tried not thinking about her, avoid seeing her, pretending I hate her, pretending she hates me, and even MANIFESTING my feelings to go away. (Which worked for three days 😥) I even tried looking at her more to desensitize myself!! Wanna know what made my feelings come back? The freaking eye contact!! As a loner, any attractive person giving me eye contact makes my heart jump. Especially her!!! And it’s really hard because love songs make me think about her 😭😭

Yeah yeah I know I should talk to her… but it’s hard to bring myself to :(( There’s so many issues. I’m introverted, and I would break down trying to talk to her. Her friends are not someone I would hang around, they kind of give toxic vibes, and I noticed myself being attracted to toxic type of girls, and it happened many times before. Maybe it’s because I come from a toxic household? I don’t know :(

Anyways

TL;DR I have a hopeless crush on someone, don’t want the feelings because I have more important things to tend to, but these feelings are getting in the way of my thinking and I just think I don’t need those feelings!! Help please 😥

I know I can’t run from feelings, I wish I could 😔 One day I think I’m close to the exit, and then boom, the exit pulls further away from me :(

  • @boston_key_party
    3•2 years ago

    Identify the things you like about her and find other ways to get them, keeping in mind that effort may require some gender nonconformity. Power and should always come with responsibility but she won’t feel any responsibility to give you a chance because of any power you give her over yourself by allowing yourself to dream about being with her so don’t give her that power. Your lizard brain just wants in her pants. Love songs are romanticist propaganda and romanticism is inherently liberal IMO. Don’t let your hormones lead you to conflate things like lust and caring or desire for shared identity.

    Practice talking to more people. Not being able to talk to people you’re attracted to is not a good deficit to have. Next time you’re crushing on someone you should have the option of talking to them. Resolving to take action on this will help you assign utility to these feelings internally and acting on them in some way is probably something your brain will require of you anyways.

    Avoid intoxicants until you have converted your feelings into effective action. Keep in mind that you are not your intrusive thoughts but the choices you make. Learn to meditate

    • @SunshinerOPM
      2•2 years ago

      Identify the things you like about her and find other ways to get them, keeping in mind that effort may require some gender nonconformity.

      I wish I knew what I liked about her. All I have for her is physical attraction. I have a weak spot for smiles and eyes. That’s why I say it’s a hopeless and meaningless crush :((

      Your lizard brain just wants in her pants.

      I’m thinking it is just lust after all. In one of my posts I did mention having a “constant sexual thoughts” issue. I’m assuming that’s bothering with my mindset on love, having feelings for someone, and lust.

      Speaking on the link between liberalism and romanticism, I think you’re right about that. I noticed a lot of American music have romanticism in it, and highly sexual content. I try to break away from that, but somehow the good songs of my type are full of that stuff! I managed to make a playlist without that stuff, only having a 100 songs. Usually my playlists range from 200 - 1000 songs!

      Practice talking to more people. Not being able to talk to people you’re attracted to is not a good deficit to have. Next time you’re crushing on someone you should have the option of talking to them. Resolving to take action on this will help you assign utility to these feelings internally and acting on them in some way is probably something your brain will require of you anyways.

      Talking to people is absolutely easy. Talking to people I’m attracted to? So-so. Depends on the situation. I can approach a person I’m interested in if it’s easy, like if they’re sitting beside me, or if I’m waiting in line behind or in front of them. It’s easier to approach someone I’m interested in if I don’t know them at all, and I don’t go to school with them.

      But if I have to walk up to a girl I’ll most likely see everyday and strike up a conversation? Then yeah it kinda freaks me out. I just think I’d be weird doing that, idk why. I think it’s fear. Because I’m worried it’ll be awkward, and then I’ll have to see her and be reminded of it.

      What are your thoughts on this?