I’m not that romantic image of an autistic person the media paints. I’m not a walking-talking mental calculator who can recite π to a 1000 places. I’m not “walking Wikipedia” as a classmate called me.

I might have a way with learning unnecessary things, but y’all know what? The NTs don’t care. A proper well-adjusted neurotypical adult is gonna win with me most of the time. Because while they can easily study the topic, I can’t exactly easily study being “normal”.

Autism is not that quirky thing like “Oh, I too might have autism because I like trains and hate people”. It’s an everyday struggle. A black pill I’m swallowing near every day, seeing how the deck was stacked against me from the start. Another job I feel stressed out at and on the verge of losing it. Sometimes I just can’t. Sometimes I wonder whether it’d be easier for me if I just did not have a diagnosis and just thought there is something wrong with my behavior and my parents…