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he’s actually secretly a softie who loves his friends and is everyone’s grouchy dad but it takes a bit to figure this out and at a glance he can feel like shadow the hedgehog levels of edgycool
he’s actually secretly a softie who loves his friends and is everyone’s grouchy dad but it takes a bit to figure this out and at a glance he can feel like shadow the hedgehog levels of edgycool
MFW 2.5 weeks between dates middle of next week can’t come fast enough!!!
doubly so since I have wildly different relationships with different people.
yeah this is part of what gives me misgivings about the whole conceptual framework as well. like i probably read as “avoidant” in the relationship i outlined above, and while i think there’s certainly work i can do there, i also think i didn’t generally feel emotionally safe in that relationship/i felt a lot of baseline stress around them which is what led to that seeming avoidance. there are other relationships i have with other people where im pretty open and comfortable, with some exceptions. it all just seems so contextual.
i oscillate pretty wildly between the two tbh, wonder what that makes me
is attachment style legit? i have an inherent distrust of most pop psych trends but…
at the same time anxious attachment really describes my ex to a T, it’s kinda uncanny. also very validating to read something that seems to so clearly fit their patterns of behavior that i eventually decided i couldn’t deal with anymore? they were so devastated by the break up and so badly wished i hadn’t done it that i still haven’t been able to shake the guilt around me doing something “wrong,” but seeing others who couldn’t handle similar dysfunctional relationship patterns makes me feel kinda “seen” to put it as cornily as possible.
anyway would def be down to read more on this subject in a more legitimate/rigorous format than internet posts and tiktok and shit…
there is a spike in my fucking skull remind me not to mix types of liquor when im binge drinking
yeah i’d become more in the last few years (between the Bernie ratfuck in 2020 and then the pandemic and some other shit), but today the state of things is really getting to me. doesn’t help that i’m hungover w/ the attendant anxiety and paranoia that brings
paused the apps last night. while we’re not exclusive or official at all, I know the person I’ve been seeing did the same. I’d been doing my swipes and shallow bullshit convos with my matches out of a sense of obligation more than anything, like i “should” keep backup options, but figured it’s best to cut that dehumanizing noise out of my life while I’m feeling out a solid (if brand new) connection. we’ve only hung out three times in the flesh but we’re gonna do a lil phone chat this weekend, then ima see her next week. hope things keep going well, if not its very easy to reboot the stupid Satan Apps
while im uncomfortable, diarrhea on my last day is actually kind of a fitting send off for this workplace
i’d show you a super pure and stubborn love regardless like a completely insufferable power of friendship shonen protagonist, sorry
omg IIRC last i heard from ya about this you were feeling pretty hopeless abt meeting someone, i am extremely happy for you bratan!!
tbh despite the weirdness of being in the same org i think you should just talk to them directly about this, taking extra care to make them feel safe saying no if that’s where they’re at and to make sure they know you care about them as a person regardless of outcome and to have them feel safe that you won’t push any boundaries. you’re gonna drive yourself insane trying to read tea leaves like this. like someone previously said, idt the DSA Sex Pest would have the same trepidations you do so i trust you’d handle things respectfully.
that said ive gotten in trouble having “shit where i eat” romances blowing up and ending poorly and bringing down quality of life for everyone within the vicinity so what do i know
COMPLETELY anecdotal but i’ve had much less success (solely in terms of quantity of matches) on Hinge (which forces you to list your height) vs Tinder (where I leave it unlisted), plus i’m more the stereotypical “hinge type” (sensitive softboy). it’s a thing on the apps IME but it’s some smoothbrain shit to blame individual women rather than patriarchal norms of attraction and beauty. and like yeah some of them on there are insensitive and dickish about it but that just filters someone you probably wouldn’t like? plus the apps incentivize all kinds of callous and inconsiderate shit.
(fwiw i’m 5’6", shorter than the male average but taller than most women in the US).
how do i avoid getting attached too quickly to someone I’ve only known for a month and change i’m trying to keep a potential “roster” going but i hated talking on the apps even before meeting someone w/ promise, now its even more of a chore and i feel even more demotivated. also i feel like that’s a bad reason to try to keep multidating (you should do it because you enjoy it and you like making those connections, not using people as plan Bs or means to the end of guarding yourself). i know it’s fine to get excited about someone and normal/healthy but i also feel myself not protecting my heart as much as i should be…
don’t wanna be toooooo specific but i work in the public sector in a public service profession, got promoted out of my dogshit foot in the door to something that actually uses my degree. one of the arguably least evil things you can do for money under capitalism, but it’s still a lot of “being the janitor for the disrepair caused by its inherent contradictions” shit
god i wish today were my last day two more days in this shithole feels like an eternity. i may hate my new job as well but at least i’ll hate it to the tune of a 25k/year raise so
ey good to see!! as some of ya’ll probably know i’d been more informally megathread posting about how patriarchy and conventional masculinity hurt us men and men-adjacents, good to have a dedicated space to discuss (among many, many other things) how it emotionally warps us and how we can show up in our lives as more caring and sweet people. Also could be a good avenue for venting about things like the ways in which modern dating norms hurt mascs (which while not as bad as femmes, are distinctly different and soul crushing in their own ways) without clogging up other feeds. Idk just my two cents, not at all comprehensive!
i mean if material conditions continue to degrade, ya know…but that won’t be my choice…
might give fear and hunger another go on normal difficulty this time. the vibes and world were immaculate but the gameplay was just too frustrating, i get that the brutal unforgiving nature is designed to reinforce the themes but shit like torch management simply got too tedious for me especially as someone with a poor sense of direction prone to getting lost in games
started typing something in more detail, but i’ll keep it simple and say that i feel where you’re at, i ended my partnership of almost 9 years about a year ago and while its been a tough year in many ways, it was the right choice. you should always listen to that inner voice about these things, it leads to either ending a relationship that isn’t meant to be anymore (which is in everyone’s benefit long-term, even if it doesn’t feel that way), or having a frank-but-difficult discussion that leads to mending the parts of your relationship that aren’t working (though in this case it sounds like your mind is already pretty made up). best of luck to both of you at this deeply painful crossroads, i hope you both come out on the other side better for it.