I gave up weed since I was a teenager. I have a very active inner monologue, my therapists have always said that I intellectualise everything, which isn’t a good thing. Weed smoking just makes my inner demons even louder, me more anxious, and the over analysing even more over done. Maybe it’ll be different because it’s been 20 years, and supposedly cannibis breeding has made strains that don’t make you paranoid???

NOPE

Thankfully I didn’t take bong rips like 18 year old me used to. (Do you all even still call them bong rips). Even just a couple of puffs brought back the old self hatred and paranoia.

The only good thing is that middle aged me is better at arguing against my inner demons than teenager me. My life sucks because this system sucks, not because I suck. Some people hate me because they’re materially comfortable descendants of settlers and colonisers who still take the side of empire in 2025. I’m lonely because this system is alienating AF.

I put on positive commie music for two hours and sang along, literally crying for much of it. I feel asleep to Columbo.

tldr: if weed made you paranoid at 18, it might still make you paranoid in your 40s.

  • whiskers165 [she/her, she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    7·
    7 months ago

    Dang for me I feel like weed isn’t working until I start getting a little paranoid. Like I should be having a low grade anxiety attack in the background or I’ll feel like the weed wasn’t shit. I get off on nails-on-chalkboard real abrasive feelings but to each their own.

    While it did help a little weed didn’t cure my depression but it start me down the path of doing other drugs that did (MDMA, LSD, DMT). From 23 to 30 I repeatedly blasted my brains with psychedelics and went on longer stimulant benders. I wish I could tell you there was some kind of model for this thing but its a crap shoot as far as I can tell, your results may vary

    For me I started as very insecure and socially anxious. The drugs lowered my inhibitions and I learned to be more socially savvy, it unblocked everything that was making me bad at people stuff, being bad at navigating social situations and relationships was making my material reality poor, poor material reality making me depressed.

    Once I got over my insecurities and got my social confidence up i was easily able to network/navigate to friendlier shores, this cascade of improving myself improves my situation improves myself improves my situation etc etc.

    At least taking your coworkers advice to smoke weed shows you’re trying to do something about your depression. There’s lots of MFers who won’t try anything new to get out of their depression, if you’re trying new things and taking advice I think you’re gonna make it eventually