Two weeks ago, I had a date with a girl I met through a dating app. She was really nice, we had a great conversation and she told in person at the bar she would love to see me again.
Well fast forward a week, I keep texting her to set something up, but she’s not responding. I think she’s ghosted me. I mean, that’s fine, but if you don’t want to date me anymore, then just let me know. I will respect your decision.
Dating is so frustrating sometimes… It’s really fucking hard and I sometimes feel lonely because of my lack of success. I have a good job and I’m a nice guy… but eh… I digress.
Idk. It’s par for the course. I spent some three years on dating apps before meeting my SO. A lot of ghosting. I think a big part of it is don’t expect people to be mindful of your feelings. And if they aren’t, just move on. Don’t take it personally. Just the moment you get a feeling that they are not into it, move on.
I went on maybe 45-50 first dates. And honestly, it was a great experience. Very few second dates, even fewer third or fourth. One long-distance fling that turned into a great friendship and then my SO.
The reason I’m saying it was great is because early on I decided that I’m gonna make it fun for myself. So I’d pick activities I wanted to do, I’d pick hikes I wanted to go on or ponds/beaches I wanted to check out, food I wanted to try, places/towns I wanted to visit… in essence, I made sure that even if the date went nowhere, I’d still get something awesome out of it. And I worked on myself, I pursued interests and hobbies and passions and it was the best time really.
Think of cool things to do too. Not just dinners and drinks. There is soooo much you can do with someone to put them in a situation where you can both have fun, relax, and get to know each other. I personally found those outdoor adventure dates a lot more exciting than just dinners.
And I tried to not get hung up on the people - sometimes it was hard to do that, I admit. A looot of ghosting. If you’re gonna date online, just accept that it will happen a bunch. That only means these are not the people you’re looking for. I know it’s hard when you feel like you only need this one person, and you want people to let you know, and you feel like it’s not fair, but honestly… you’re only responsible for your own actions. That means don’t ghost others (I never did) and move on when someone is giving you the cold shoulder. They should be just as excited to be in touch and if that’s not the case, just cut them and move on.
Best of luck, don’t despair, date and have fun with it. Invest time in yourself in the meantime: hobbies, friends, passions, new things, adventures… it’s summer, soak it up!
Wow, this is a very mature and refreshing perspective. Thank you for sharing!