I just got back from two days at a giant conference. Every year I go, and my dream is to join in the community that it is a part of, and every year I come back, having talked to no one at all.
I can plan things to say, and then just shut down when the opportunity comes. I can also plan too far and figure that I won’t have anything more to say after the initial contact, so why bother?
I’ve read various books on social anxiety and the old “How to win friends”, but I just don’t feel like they’re helpful. Does anyone know of any resources that take autism and selective mutism into consideration?
I would say, given what you’ve described, one thing you need to do is be willing to fail. Convince yourself that you can say something to someone without knowing how the conversation will end. Because it kinda sounds like that planning idea is how you get stuck inside your head. You can’t sit and plan conversations all day. You have to actually have them. That will involve experiencing failure, and learning from that failure, and trying again. That’s normal. Everyone does it, whether neurotypical or anywhere on the spectrum.
Having conversations is how you get better at having conversations.
You’re making a lot of sense. I also struggle with phone calls, and the only way that I’ve found to make them work is to take out something that I can take notes on (or I will forget what was said during the conversation), and then just dial the number before I even have time to think about it.
It can be hard to remember in the moment, but I try to remind myself that the other person probably also wants the conversation to succeed.