[narrator]: alright, so we’ve wanted to do this for a long time. Anyways, we couldn’t find anyone who was willing to defend communism, unsurprisingly, so we got this random-ass tankie’s imaginary vanguard tankist waifu as a defense.
[The recording begins. This is a transcription.]
Pott: Alright, guys. I’ve been preparing for this. I’ve played over 2213823839934 hours of ace attorney and among us, and I am ready to absolutely destroy communism using facts and logic. Specifically, we’re accusing communist states of committing multiple genocides. We’ll start with the famines in China.
Pott: I’m inviting my witness to the stage now.
Anonymous[wearing a mask]: Hello, I’m an anonymous guy. My grandpa lived in China, bro. It sucked. Like, everyone was starving. In China they had no food, they had to eat each other and get eaten. [he breaks down into sobs] it was HORRIBLE!
Zhou: OBJECTION!
Pott[visibly irritated]: what is it?
Zhou: This man, he doesn’t have any proof. We don’t know if he’s telling the truth.
Anonymous[leaving the room]: Don’t be ridiculous! We all know how reliable anecdotal evidence is!
Pott: Alright, next piece of evidence: ha ha no food Mao vs Sparrows 69420 quadrillion dead tuna man massacre wuegghyugurag genocide.
Judge: Alright, I’m going to—
Zhou: HOLD IT!
Pott[visibly irritated]: What is it this time?
Zhou: That-that’s not evidence. You just said a bunch of random words! Isn’t that right, Mr. Judge?
Judge: No, no, the evidence seems fine to me.
Pott: Anyways, on to evidence three: Communism red. Red sus. Mao imposter. Imposter bad, communism sus.
Zhou: This isn’t among us.
Pott: What do you mean? Is it wrong to say that communism is sus?
Zhou: Yes, that’s what I’m saying. Besides, that’s not evidence.
Judge: No, I think he’s right. I’m just going to declare China guilty now.
Zhou: This kangaroo court is stupid. This man isn’t even a real judge, is he?
Judge: How did you know that?
Pott: SHUT UP!
Judge: Alright, anyways, we’ve already determined that communism is guilty. Are you getting this down?