so i’m dating a girl, and last night she mentioned she had BPD. i didn’t think much of it, i wasn’t familiar with it. i just started doing research and went to reddit (maybe a big mistake) just to see what ‘real life’ people were saying about it. it’s /r/BPDlovedones and it’s basically victims of people who have dated someone with BPD…
it’s currently scaring the shit out of me and kind of making me have a panic attack. there was a post saying “Any advice for someone starting to date a person with BPD?” and literally everyone said “Don’t. they’ll ruin your life. the person they are now is not who they really are. they change themselves to adjust to your personality” and it all the basic patterns align with what i’m experiencing. it’s very scary. i don’t know what to do.
edit: yeah it’s just shitty non-BPD being very hateful and resentful. very insensitive, kinda dramatic. anyway
i know reddit is infamous for having these ‘victim’ groups who hate on a certain type of people who ruined their lives, and it feels very dehumanizing. i don’t think it is impossible to date this person and i don’t want to just stop seeing them. i don’t know what to do tbh. just very overwhelmed
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Late comment but yeah, stop dating the person. They will ruin you. You are polar opposites but you don’t see it because they can be so accommodating. Until they can’t. They will destroy you mentally and emotionally. Even if they maybe don’t want to. After 6 to 9 months they will start to invalidate you. They will hurt you just to have you chase them. Hope you are okay now, but borderline is a funny term. They have no borders. Just like you probably. Because you’re mostly a kind and decent person. You need to have your own borders, unless they make your borders for you. It’s like a drug addiction. How far can you go before you succumb. That’s when they will discard you.
They can’t help it, it’s what they do. They’ve been hurt when they were young and this is what they do. Don’t hold a grudge against them, they cannot help themselves. Save yourself.
I hope you are in a safe space now.
Do not read “walking on eggshells”. It’s basically the Bible of doing shitty things to people with BPD.
I had a very bad experience with a borderline - she stalks me across the Internet and posts all kinds of lies and half truths to paint me as an insanely horribke person. But equally out relationship was a horrible co-dependency mess of love and hate that dragged on longer than it should because no one would end it. However that was a mutual issue because we both had mental health issues that didn’t mesh.
As long as you communicate openly with a borderline partner and explain your anxieties or emotions and make an effort to understand them (I highly recommend anything by Dr Marsha Linehan - she’s a doctor who has BPD herself and basically revolutionised how it’s approached by clinicians). I had a very bad experience but trust me if I can still vouch that good relationships with BPD sufferers are very possible and very rewarding as long as you’re prepared to make a little bit of effort in communication. That’s all it takes.
Now I’m gonna have to message a mod because my ex will likely see this and either comment with nonsense and inspect-element screen caps or try and get me banned from here.
I dated a woman with BPD for four years ten years ago and I still have emotional scars from it. I developed a tendency to cower and hide whenever my partner is mad at me (instead of talking through it like adults) because I expect an uncontrollable explosion. I ended the relationship partly because she refused to seek treatment or acknowledge that she suffered from anything clinical. In fact, even the most kindly worded suggestion that she might have a problem would send her into an explosive episode. The fact that your girlfriend is aware of her condition already makes her much better off than mine, IMO, and if she’s getting treated for it that’s even better. Don’t break up with her until she gives you a reason to.
Don’t break up with her until she gives you a reason to.
This is kind of an unfortunate way to express that, seeing how common it is for thoughts of “they’ll only love me til I slip up” with this brain type.
I guess I could phrase that better. A single slip up isn’t reason enough. I meant a pattern of behavior that doesn’t improve despite vocalizing your concerns.
I dated someone with BPD for a few years. I think her case might have been more mild, but it never ended up being much more than depressive episodes and anxiety attacks. All this talk about gaslighting and manipulation makes me a little uncomfortable because to the best of my knowledge there was none of that in the relationship.
I probably have BPD and I would absolutely advise against dating me lol
but you deserve love comrade 🥺.
no but for real, isn’t everyone different? any advice you can give besides ‘don’t’ haha.
edit: i don’t know if this means anything but for us to combat our individual co dependency issues, we limit ourselves to seeing each other two times a week
BPD sucks to have, and it sucks to deal with in a loved one.
However, it’s important to keep in mind that all people are different. BPD traits exist on a spectrum like all personality disorders (or all personality traits, really)
I would not break up with her just because she has BPD, that would be shitty. But if she is mistreating you, or if you just can’t deal with her mood swings or whatever, it’s fine to look out for yourself and do what’s right for your happiness.
Other people have mentioned DBT therapy, and it really can be life changing for people who suffer from BPD so it’s worth looking into.
