Bush: Will attend, will say something innocuous but nice that liberals cannot shut up about for weeks.

Obama: Rolls up, struts his shit like he’s on the red carpet. Has a great time. Michelle and W. talk about the latest marvel movie or something. He makes one deniably cutting remark to a reporter before the service. Liberals shit their pants and print the quote on coffee mugs. His official remarks are a concise speech that covers all the usual bases and avoids particulars about Trump. He does the hate the man but respect the office bullshit. He gives a thirty minute interview with Jimmy Fallon the next night where he says nothing and promoted his new book or whatever.

Pence: Is in attendance, literally nobody talks to him.

Kamala: Does not attend. Liberals hoot n’ holler about it for a month, even after its revealed that her absence was becaise she overslept because of all the wine and xanax. This is all discovered after her team releases a video, a week afterbthe funeral, of a (poorly) deepfaked Kamala participating in a ribbon cutting ceremony for a school for undocumented child amputees. The school doesnt even exist.

Biden: You’re fucking braindead if you think he wouldnt be there. Unfortunately for the rest if us, he’s braindead too. He talks to one reporter before the service where he says a bunch of rambling bullshit about Trump being a president and that he was a tough opponent. He trails off after slurring some tiktok slang word his team tried to coach him to say to seem hip and with it. His team hurry him away and he does not talk to any other reporters. He wears sunglasses during the service despite being indoors. He makes no official statements.

Biden barely, and I mean barely gets enough electoral college votes to win the presidency later in November. Theres another Jan 6 type thing this time on inauguration day. Biden is taken to a safe house and gives his inauguration speech with a zoom logo in the corner of the screen. Three days later its a national tragedy when President Biden suffers a sudden heart attack and is declared dead. Kamala is delaclared president. She laughs her way through her oath of office.

Conspiracy theories spread like wildfire in the aftermath. With one in particular persisting, that Biden actually actually died of a stroke and we all witnessed the start of it on live TV at Trump’s funeral. His staff did a weekend at Bernie’s to get through the funeral then just kept him on ice through inauguration.

Sorry, I got a bit carried away there. I’ll back it up a bit and try to imagine something more realistic.

Two weeks after the funeral and one week after the release of the Deepfake Kamala video, made by her team to cover for her conspicuous absence at Trump’s funeral theres a mass shooting at a spanish immerson elementary school in colorado and the aforementioned video is mentioned in the shooters manifesto.