Identity is very personal.

Because of how transphobic society is, one of the most universal feelings I’ve observed in people early on in gender exploration is a sort of imposter syndrome. It’s this feeling that, by claiming the label of trans or by considering that you may not be cis, you’re somehow deluding yourself or invading trans spaces. If someone has pushed you too hard to explore these feelings, it can begin to feel like they’ve somehow pressured you into changing who you are or that they’re the cause of all your repressed trauma.

There’s also the fact that repression happens for a reason. Often, the reasons for repression remain in one form or another even throughout gender exploration. Things like transphobic family and internalized sexism are common examples. Bottom line is that gender exploration is not equally safe and good for all people at all times. If someone is trans, they need to discover that in their own time when they’re ready.

What is appropriate is sharing of personal experiences. So the way that trans people often interface with The Prime Directive is to reframe those discussion and make them as pressure free as possible by focusing on their own experiences and allowing the potential egg to ask questions as needed.

• I personally do not appreciate people prying like this. It is obnoxious.
• none of your beeswax
• its putting someone on the spot… What are they supposed to say to that?
• you could make someone feel exposed and afraid that they are legible in a way they were not aware of and that could lead them to recoil in fear
• trans people, especially newly out trans people, see themselves everywhere. Its cute but its not real. Which is why they need to be reminded to reel it in.
• who asked you for your advice?
• its like telling someone they should get married, divorced, have children or any other major life change. How much do you really know about their situation to be giving non solicited advice? I’m not going to walk up to some woman and remind her she’s 38 so tick tick tick better get preggers asap.
• its dumb to attribute perceived gender non conformity to being trans… Some people just do things differently
• the best thing to do is to convey your appreciation and support of trans people as a general concept 100% of the time. This will be noticed by whomever is looking for it.
• if you feel the need to say anything just keep it limited in scope: “that outfit really suits you” not “the print on that shirt says something about the kind of person you are and I am going to tell you about it”

And I will draw your attention to your words:

starts to act or talk in a way like they are possibly trans

explore these feelings

Big jump from observed behaviors to mind reading about feelings.

And if someone starts “acting trans” (not even getting into what that could even mean) all of a sudden do you think its probably due to a lack of awareness on their part? Ppl don’t become trans overnight. If they are changing their behavior they are likely aware. They have already thought about it. You are not invited into that dialogue right now.

I’m not there, but I think I would want to minimize the kernel of doubt that I’m only expressing my gender because someone put it in my head. I think it’s something people would figure out, but I think it could save a lot of grief and responsibility for everybody.

Internalization of the grooming rhetoric I think.

In addtion to what everyone else has said, this is from the Gender Dysphoria Bible - even if you’re right, someone can’t be told their trans, it’s an internal thing

“ My good friend Lily coined the phrase “Egg Prime Directive” to describe the fact that trans people have an unspoken agreement not to tell people who are questioning their gender whether or not they are trans.

When someone is just told they are trans, that opens ground for denial; it activates defense mechanisms built by internalized transphobia, and it has a high probability of pushing them further into the closet, if not making them outright transphobic. Even when it doesn’t, it leaves ground for their own subconscious to reject their dysphoria, claiming that they were just manipulated or deceived. The much more effective strategy is to talk about your own experiences with dysphoria so that they see the common grounds and come to their own conclusion about their gender. The code doesn’t forbid helping them to explore their gender; it forbids assigning a gender to them. Or, to put it more succinctly, you cannot be told what the Matrix is; you can only be shown”

U can force a reaction to the idea. Transitioning is a quantity to quality type of thing and only time will move the needle for the most part unless they are real close already