We’ve always wanted to cook popcorn without using a microwave. But with this hip new trend called Climate Change, it’s now possible!

Need some popcorn? Just go outside with a bag of kernels while Amazon tells everyone through a megaphone announcement to go inside their houses since their 26th spaceship launch failed miserably and is about to kill 43 people which no one will know of since Amazon owns the media now, and you’ll have a bag of popcorn in no time!

Climate change shall bring a popcorn-filled future right to our fingertips. Some idiots say that “it’s bad because we only have one Earth,” well duh, just split the Earth in half and we’ll have 2 Earths in no time.

This article is sponsored by Amazon, Lockheed Martin Corporation, ASPI, and Exxonmobil.