Mainly here, but now that i think about it IRL sucks too. Its far too fucking easy for me to get mad, especially if someone found a trauma trigger. Being a communist sucks as an autistic person in general, im doomed to be shit at it. Won’t stop me from trying, though.

  • theblueredditrefugee@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    11 months ago

    Yo a kindred spirit! Hi! I’ve been struggling with angry outbursts my whole life and I’m always terrified that I might lose control. It’s a recent development that I’m learning that my anger at (capitalist) society is quite warranted. Inshallah we’ll bring about a society that is rationally optimized for the well being of all!

    And yeah, I also frequently get criticized for being two-faced or something similar because I am not so great at reading social cues and figuring out what people need. Not for lack of trying. Be so much easier if people just told me what they wanted from me lmao - I’m a nice person and I try to help when I know it’s necessary

    • KatsInSpace [none/use name]@hexbear.netOP
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      11 months ago

      Rage sucks, it feels like im fighting with myself half the goddamn argument. I also make the mistake of thinking people are arguing in good faith. Although that may be my foolish sense of trust.

    • stigsbandit34z [they/them]@hexbear.net
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      11 months ago

      Godamn same here. Learning that I am autistic as an adult though has made me look back at those childhood outbursts and realize that I was mad at fundamentally flawed systems that didn’t work for me. Growing up as a guy, I wasn’t taught to manage my emotions, I was taught that being vulnerable specifically would be met with disapproval. But it really does get more interesting because I know for certain my parents would be horrified if they knew I ever felt that way, the thing is that I wasn’t taught exclusively by my parents. I went to school like everyone else and behaved like everyone else (I don’t think I gained a sense of outspokenness until later in life).

      But jfc looking back on it, kids absolutely bodied those that were different. I think that’s why I learned to mask so well (ironically though I’m really bad at it as a grown ass guy). I think this is why I’m hypersensitive about bigotry and think it should be seen as extremely harmful. Christ, yeah I was mad because I could never be my real self without getting ridiculed by someone else

  • ashinadash [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    11 months ago

    Being a communist sucks as an autistic person in general, im doomed to be shit at it.

    Never read anything so relatable on this website in my life.

  • BeamBrain [he/him]@hexbear.netM
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    11 months ago

    Being vegan, I feel this deeply. There’s a sizable contingent on this site that goes full chud if you so much as mention how the literal sausage gets made. It’d be like if there was a group of treat fiends that got mad any time you pointed out where the coltan in our electronics comes from.

  • idkmybffjoeysteel [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    11 months ago

    It’s not just you. People aren’t built for this amount of conflict. And it isn’t just you that’s shit at it, the conditions aren’t there, and it takes a lot more than arguing with others to spark a revolution. The best thing you do is disengage with the sources of stress in your life, and set limits on how much exposure you get to stressful situations.

    • KatsInSpace [none/use name]@hexbear.netOP
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      11 months ago

      taking a step back feels like cowardice, but i’ve realized its not. You must pick your battles, and just rattling away is not one, despite my passionate feelings on the matter.

      • the_itsb [she/her, comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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        11 months ago

        I relate to this S O M U C H. ❤️ Especially because it feels like so many people are unwilling to take a stand about anything or stand up for anyone. Anything that touches my sense of justice goes right through me, and then I have a really hard time picking my battles or reining myself in!

        During the early part of the pandemic, when even rural Ohio was mostly cooperating with the mask mandates, I was grocery shopping, and I saw a tall, well-built, angry-looking dude moving through the aisles, unmasked obviously, getting in other people’s personal space and shoving their carts around as he just bulldozed his way down the aisle. He wasn’t shopping, he was fucking with people, and I could see he was mostly picking elderly women, and other people were noticing and just getting out of his way.

        It instantly made me fucking furious, and as I’m reaching the end of the aisle, I’m filling with rage and trying to figure out what to do (get a manager?? idfk), his eyes land on me (another petite feminine victim!) and he comes my way, shoving my cart backwards into my torso as he pushes past me into the empty aisle, muttering curses and slurs. My anger became shock for a moment - holy fucking shit, did that really just happen?!? - and then it was fucking on.

        I looped out of that aisle the opposite direction and came straight at him down the next one, and you should have seen the look of surprise on his face when he realized someone was coming for him. 😂 I went off. “You think you can just go through the store fucking with people???” Bystanders stop to watch, dude puts his hands up and starts backing away. “You think you can push people around and shove carts into them???” His angry demeanor instantly vanishes with people watching, and he says, “I don’t know what you’re talking about!! Leave me alone!!” and fucking flees the scene. I realize that none of these people had seen him shoving anyone and all think I’m the crazy one, so I resist the urge to follow and harangue him straight out the door. I am not trying to get banned from the store for fighting. 😂🤦

        I go back to my shopping, and it suddenly occurs to me that I had really taken a risk there. Dude could have been armed, or he could have just pushed me backwards into a steel shelf or onto the concrete floor - I definitely could have been seriously injured or worse!

        It would be great if I could say that the lesson I learned from that incident was to be a little more cautious when confronting large men, but really, it just made me further committed to physical fitness and self defense. 🤷😂

  • Aryuproudomenowdaddy [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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    11 months ago

    I quit FB over a former coworker arguing with me with multi paragraph screeds in all caps telling me how black people are inherently criminals and that the government doesn’t have any systemically racist policies. Would give me terrible anxiety and realized how bad it was for my health.

  • keepcarrot [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    11 months ago

    I even dislike the big lib dunk threads we have on here even if I agree with the points we make. Just eh. I am very conflict averse.

  • autismdragon [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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    11 months ago

    I am both deathly afraid of confrontation and pathologically confrontational, especially online. I get angry and start shit, and then get hit by RSD when they clap back. Its awful.

  • zed_proclaimer [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    11 months ago

    Being autistic makes me love struggle sessions. I love to argue. Weirds me out when everyone else gets super offended and takes it all so personally. I just want to shout facts and have people shout facts at me

  • Commiejones [comrade/them, he/him]@hexbear.net
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    11 months ago

    Struggle sessions aren’t enjoyable and its ok to not like them but at the same time we need to be fighting against liberalism and counter revolutionary thought.

    A proper debate where people present their arguments and reasoning based on materialism and backed by marxist theory without getting emotional and devolving into petty name calling is good for the community. It makes us all better communists. The problem is that as people we have ego issues and liberal brainworms and we take offense when either get stepped on.