Does anyone have experience figuring out if they’re aro/ace? This is all over been thinking about lately. I’ve realized I’ve never imagined myself in a relationship, I only tried dating because it felt like I was supposed to. I don’t relate to the idea of having a crush or being in love. I’ve lived alone for the past 7 years and only went on dates when prodded.

I used to feel bad about it, like I was missing something, but also I realized I’ve never attempting dating completely unprompted.

I’m otherwise ok with myself. I don’t feel like something’s missing, but I do feel very awkward around other people since my life is a lot more solitary. Never having a romantic partner would be alright with me, but I’m struggling with my self-image and how I’m gonna relate to people for the rest of my life. Since I’m at an age where most of my peers have lives revolving around spouses and kids. Am I aro/ace then or do I gotta do more examination of myself?

  • gon [he]@lemm.eeEnglish
    9·
    11 months ago

    I’ve struggled with this question A LOT myself. Based on what you said I think I’m a lot more antisocial than you, but I think we’ve had pretty similar experiences overall.

    For a long time I thought I was gay, actually, because I didn’t like girls (romantically or sexually), but over the last half-decade I came to realize I don’t really like anyone in that way. For now, I just identify as vaguely queer but I do believe aro/ace fits me rather well.

    I guess my point is that, even if you’re “just” antisocial, at the end of the day you don’t feel the want for a romantic or sexual relationship. That makes you aro/ace. I don’t see the point in labelling yourself that precisely anyways, personally, just live your life and that should be enough.

    You shouldn’t feel bad for being the way you are, and there’ll always be people that you can relate to. Consider seeing a therapist and talking about this though, might be beneficial if it’s getting you down.

    • axont [she/her, comrade/them]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
      6·
      11 months ago

      Labeling myself feels important because it would give context to my experiences and help me relate to others. It’s a constant thing in my life where I fail to relate to them on the grounds of sexuality and romance, and I’m only just now figuring that out. I just thought I had nerdier interests, but now I think it’s something more profound than that. So that’s why I can’t stop thinking about it.

      At the very least I hope this will make me feel more comfortable with myself. I’ve felt a weird sort of guilt for a long time that I’m not dating, that I don’t have a partner, I’m not having sex, etc. Like I’m wasting something important. But now I’m realizing that’s not my guilt, it’s a social imposition on me.

      I’ll talk to a therapist about this soon, you’re right.