i recently applied to go from a contractor to an internal employee and got the official job offer last week. my drug test is tomorrow and the form says its an oral fluids test, which i will pass, but i have this gnawing anxiety that ill go in and they spring a urine test on me (i would not pass this). i have powdered urine from testclear, and ive used it before and passed a urine test two years ago, but this test will be given on the jobsite and will be harder to pull off.
wish me luck that its a saliva test, i really dont want to lose this job :(
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Good luck comrade !
It’s fucking insane that employers in the US have the right to make you do drug tests
thank you :)
It never occurred to me that it wasn’t like this everywhere.
It’s also just bullshit within the United States they don’t drug test for jobs that actually would matter.
I have an engineering degree, the only time I’ve ever been piss tested was when I was in between engineering jobs so I took a job as a “facilities manager” (glorified janitor)… at a pot farm
I’ve had luck in the past chugging massive amounts of water to flush and dilute my urine. Since they use color and creatine concentration to measure if its diluted, you can take a B12 complex pill to color your piss yellow and creatine supplement to increase creatine levels. If they say anything just say you work out since creatine is a supplement that’s taken to help increase. Muscle mass.
oh shit you mean I can get jack AND it’ll help me piss clean when I need to??? 😎
If it’s not a position where you’re doing anything potentially dangerous I think they’d probably just go with a saliva test. Even if they do want a urine sample it’s not like they’re allowed to watch.
it’s not like they’re allowed to watch.
Hmm I’d better make some calls
That makes sense but isn’t really how it works.
The only job I’ve ever been piss tested for was a job as a glorified janitor… at a pot farm.
it’s not like they’re allowed to watch
Yeah that’s reserved for people trying to get ADHD meds
I got piss tested for Walmart. “Potentially dangerous” is always relative.
Was this relatively recent? Mouth swabs have become fairly ubiquitous since the cost for each test is a fraction of a urinalysis.
Yes it was
One time I taped a pouch with a friend’s urine to my thigh, but forgot to account for the tension that the tape would put upon the pouch. Thus when I opened it piss gushed out all over my underwear and jeans which were around my ankles. Then I had to go back to work in piss covered pants. Anyway I passed the drug test, so gl comrade
Did anyone ask why you were covered in piss or did you just play it cool?
I played cool
most people feel too awkward to ask, you can use this to get away with things sometimes.
Getting away with soiling myself like a boss 😎
Good luck! You got this!
thanks comrade :)
We’re forced to survive in the capitalist hellscape, it’s a bit easier if we survive together as comrades. Good luck, I hope it turns out okay!
Good luck!
thank you :)
In my experience, if you have gotten past the initial screening (becoming a temp and being well-liked enough by your managers to become direct-hire), your managers probably don’t want you to fail the test either. In my experience, management has telegraphed these tests to their fullest extent, and even offered to pull strings to have them rescheduled if it meant keeping a good employee. They probably are not trying to throw you a curveball. If they are telling you it is an oral test, that’s what it’s going to be.
Those testclear kits are legit, the only thing you need to worry about is the temp. Bring a thermometer and check the temp yourself, as long as it’s between 90-100F you’re good. If it’s too cold and you can’t warm it up, wait in the bathroom for 5 minutes and say you had trouble peeing. Worse case scenario they’ll have you retest.
If you are doing this balloon shit you also have to be careful. They only give you a limited amount of time before they will knock on the door and tell you to come out. I did the balloon shit once, brought a thumb tack, but got stuck in this awful situation where the hole was too fucking small but poking more or squeezing the balloon harder might make it burst. They told me I had to leave the bathroom whether or not I had a sample. I just barely pulled it off by the skin of my ass. I had to smuggle the balloon back out, half-full of piss with a pinhole in it.
Practice this shit at home with tap water. Also, get one of those toe warmers (like the hand warmers, but adhesive) and stick it to your undies to help keep the temperature up.
They’re probably not going to piss test you - if they were that would likely be at an actual testing facility instead of on-site. This honestly seems like more of a “not showing up high is good enough” test. Either way a pre-employment piss test is not supervised (if they insist on supervising and especially if it’s on-site, walk away immediately).
Water balloon filled with warm clean pee (real or fake) is my go to. I warm it up beforehand by getting a hot water at a gas station and dipping it in there, maybe inside a ziplock to insulate. Then put it in my underwear against my leg to keep it body temperature (make sure you don’t sit on it and pop it).
Bring in a thumb tac as well and pop the piss balloon in the cup and smuggle the balloon wrapper out the same way you brought it in.
If anyone’s wondering how to fill the water balloon, the answer is Turkey baster
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