tl;dr: have a friend who has historically always been mad when his friends got a gf/wife. He acts like he’s 15 years old and saying “bros before hoes” still. He calls me and other friends a yuppie or breeder, and he thinks crosswalks are authoritarian so he has to always be a “rebel” and make it seem like he has the most unique viewpoint in the world. He doesn’t change anything about himself, and he’s stubbornly proud of having “no filter.” This has caused every wife/gf of his friends to not like him. He will never be invited to any kind of social event because he will say stupid shit. Like, nobody has to be a rabid commie all the fucking time. Him and my gf got into a huge fight because he always talks like an asshole, and i live with my gf, so he doesnt come to my house at all because he’ll say some shit. He still brings up this fight when im around him, and it’s like get the fuck over it. I basically don’t share anything about my life that involves my partner now, because he’ll say something fucking stupid about her. He also begins a lot of sentences with “well” or “actually” which is never helpful. He literally can’t admin when he is wrong, even about the simplest shit.
This really all seemed to get worse once I started my current long term relationship, and then it got way worse when my gf got sick of his shitty attitude and how he treats everyone like an asshole. He literally just can’t be chill at all. No leftist(or similar) should be ranting constantly about every single injustice during every single social situation. That is exhausting to be around, and there is a time and place for it, but there has to be an ability to switch that shit off.
Finding and keeping relationships requires changing yourself just a bit, and making compromises, and it’s now become apparent he isn’t capable of that.
related question: have you ever dumped a long time friend? This is all a somewhat recent change, like the past 3-4 years, and it really seems to be because im in a relationship like most of our friend group, so now he’s totally alone. Ive heard him say he’s in therapy but i have to wonder if that’s true, because it clearly isn’t working. I’m annoyed by him but I pity him too because he can’t fucking change for anybody at all.
I had to dump my best friend of about 15 years a month ago because he went down a reactionary pipeline. He started spending a very unhealthy amount of time on 4chan and making incredibly racist and antisemitic jokes despite being told countless times to stop because it makes everyone uncomfortable. It almost seemed like he enjoyed how uncomfortable it made people, and whenever he was confronted on it he would play the victim and go around behind my back calling me a “wokescold”. It got to a point where all my other friends would ask me why I am still friends with him, and each time I would defend him.
The straw that broke me was when I recently announced that I just found out that I am on the autism spectrum, and he responded saying “If I ever found out I was autistic I would actually kill myself”. Which is ironic, considering he is probably the most textbook example of someone on the spectrum. Everyone who meets him instantly recognizes it, even his family suspects it but are too self-absorbed to do anything about it. He refuses to get diagnosed, which fine nobody can force him, but he has so much self-hatred that he takes out on autistic people by bullying them online and openly admitting it. He has been banned from Twitter multiple times for bullying autistic and trans people, even wearing those bans like a badge of honor. I finally said enough is enough. I tried to show him the error of his ways but all it did was make our relationship more hostile. He has become such a hateful person and I just finally had enough.
damn that’s fucking rough. if my friend had become fash or reactionary it would make this easier for me, as it stands he’s mostly just annoying and unable to shut his fucking mouth about other stuff.