I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m involved with someone who keeps disappearing. She has a difficult home situation so I’m really understanding about her vanishing. But she’s giving me emotional whiplash which is driving me to self-harm. I am losing count of how many nights I’ve cried myself to sleep over her. She tells me she loves me more than anyone, then tells me that actually we aren’t “together”. She tries to ‘check in’ and says she never wants me to feel like she’s using me, then says I’m her “number one person”, then does whatever I told her hurts me again and again. She took me out of her bio on the one app we chat on, sometime in the last 2 weeks while I’ve been sick, and I’ve spent the last 24 hours very nearly suicidal. When I asked two of my closest friends if they think I’m letting myself be mistreated, they both said yes.

I don’t know how to deal with this. I wrote this girl a 15 page note which might be the sweetest thing I’ve ever written someone which I had told her I’d show her today and instead I find out she’s taken me out of her bio and there’s no sign of her at all (she hasn’t responded to any messages in 12 days). We’d talked about her moving in with me in the future, and she seemed to want it very badly, but we’re not “together”?
I am so hurt and confused. I don’t know how to deal with this. I’ve trusted her in a way I hadn’t trusted anyone in a long time and now it feels like that choice could have been a mistake and if it WAS it will destroy me.