One of my childhood friends is finding himself in a tough situation. He’s autistic and has struggled to make decent money for most of his life. He recently got a job working as a dishwasher while looking for a trade to get into.
His parents are when the issues kick in. They charge him rent (he’s 31 btw) that’s currently only $107. They used to charge him $300 back in 2014 and would have it go up by $50 every year to the point he was paying $600 before Covid hit. He still had to pay rent while in school and his parents refused to stop it during that time. The majority of his unemployment checks during Covid went into their rent.
They decided to change things by having him go on foodstamps in order to reduce his rent. He spends maybe $20 a week at the most for food because he’s never been a big eater. Most of that foodstamp money goes to his parents who use it for groceries, including his. The thing is that they spend way more than he ever does and completely max out the card every month.
He’s been under stress lately because he has to re-certify but his new job has a schedule that’s all over the place and makes it so he keeps missing the calls when they happen. His parents insist that part of this process is to help him with his Autism and “become an adult.” The stress got so bad for him with all the missed calls that he threw his hands up and decided to just not re-certify because it was adding too much stress in his life. His parents responded angrily by saying he would then “owe” them money in the form of $250 a month plus the $174 he already owes from a loan he took out five years ago.
The big kicker is that they’re a pretty wealthy family living in a very wealthy part of Upstate New York, but they leech off what little money he has like vultures. The whole rent thing is said to be helping him with his Autism to become more self-sufficient but if anything it’s made him more financially dependent on them than anything.
I know this was more of a rant than anything, but it’s been difficult listening to this for years now and seeing him still stuck living with them. It’s pretty clear to me that he’s scared of moving out of their nice house and living in some sketchy apartment without a car because he can’t afford one. I’m just not sure what else there is to do because I’m not living in the US and am unfamiliar with how social services work there.
Is there a way for him to get out and not be living on the edge of poverty?
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I don’t even have any advice, just rage. His own fucking parents, fucking hell. There’s nothing that could happen to those people that I wouldn’t applaud.
The crazy thing is that they seemed like the sweetest people whenever I met them. He says a switch goes off when money gets involved and they turn into complete ghouls.
This is absolutely something that is dependent on their exact location & money circumstances. I’m just gonna assume they’re somewhere near Albany and making like at least $600/mo. Doing a quick browse on Zillow for apartments leads me to believe that it is feasible to find a place for around that much that isn’t literally run-down - but it’d take at least some effort in searching and following up on leads. If they’re willing to find/live with roommates, this is even easier - but understandable if they don’t.
Not having a car is probably even more dependent on where they are. Would they have a bus stop/public transportation options to get to work from their apartment? Half the complexes I’ve lived at over the years didn’t have bus stops anywhere near them and walking anywhere was impossible because the complex’s entrance were highways with no or little sidewalks, so having a car made things way easier. Again - this is location dependent. Same with social services. Somewhere like Upstate NY may have decent public housing, although I’d imagine like anywhere else, the waitlists and process are aggravating & long.
Honestly this kinda situation completely blows and I can relate, I’ve been living with my parents at home since May due to rising housing costs & they’ve been driving me insane for five months to the point where I can tell my mental health is actually worse than it was at the beginning of the year but despite working full-time and making just under 3x minimum wage in my area, because I don’t want roommates any longer and I don’t want to spend an entire paycheck every month towards rent - I’ve been forced out of where I was living rent wise. Thankfully they’re not like your friend’s seem to be but I can understand the frustration!!
They seem somewhat willing to live with others. They would have transportation and bus stops, but they’re pretty awful from what I remember. The city itself is pretty rundown and that includes the public housing. A big reason why he doesn’t want to move out. I feel like his high anxiety wouldn’t be helped living there. The only real option is probably moving in with his older brother. They have a pretty good relationship.
