WARNINGS: Excremeditation is for trained professionals only. Do not try this at home. Excremeditation may be hazardous to your health. Side effects may include abortion, ADHD, aging, agnosticism, AIDS, alcoholism, allergies, Alzhemer’s, anaphylactic shock, anarchism, anhedonia, anorexia, anthrax, apostasy, asexuality, Asperger’s, asthma, Astrocism, atheism, autism, becoming an alt.slack kook, bisexuality, blasphemy, blood clots, “Bob”, Bozoid metamorphosis, brain damage, brainwashing, a British accent, broken bones, bronchitis, Buddhism, bulldada, cancer, Capitalism, cardiac arrest, cerebral hemorrhage, Christianity, clenched anus, coma, Communism, Confucianism, confusion, congestive heart failure, conservatism, constipation, coughing, delusions of grandeur, deportation to North Korea, deprogramming, diabetes, diarrhea, Discordianism, drowning, drug addiction, dry mouth, the Ebola virus, election to Congress, The End Times, endocrine disruption, epilepsy, erectile dysfunction, eternal salvation, excommunication, excremeditation, exorcism, falling down, fascism, fever, fibromyalgia, flatulence, fnord, furry fandom, Gender Identity Disorder, giraffe obsession, hallucinations, heterosexuality, Hinduism, homicide, homophobia, homosexuality, immortality, incarceration, incontinence, infectious diseases, influenza, insanity, insomnia, internal bleeding, invisibility, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Islam, Judaism, kidney failure, lactation, legal arrest, liberalism, libertarianism, liver damage, loose stools, lunacy, magical abilities, mental removedation, Mermaid Syndrome, misdiagnosis, mud butt, Multiple Personality Disorder, nationalism, nausea, neurosis, nihilism, nuclear war, the number 23, obesity, omnipotence, omniscience, pacifism, paganism, pain, Parkinson’s, Pastafarianism, PatrioPsychotic AnarchoMaterialism, perversion, pinkeye, PMS, poisoning, poverty, promotion to CEO, prostitution, psychic powers, psychopathy, psychosis, PTSD, racism, reincarnation, resurrection, revitiligo, rigor mortis, runny nose, schism, schizophrenia, Scientology, sexhurt, sexism, Shintoism, Slack, sleep apnea, sneezing, sociopathy, species dysphoria, spontaneous human combustion, stroke, stupidity, sudden death, suicide, supernatural powers, surreality, sweating, swollen pineal gland, talking in palindromes, Taoism, tardive dyskinesia, telekinesis, terrorism, time travel, unemployment, viral infection, vitiligo, watery eyes, xenophobia, Yetinsyny, Zoroastrianism, and any other condition not mentioned. The Church of the SubGenius is not responsible for any damages. Void where prohibited by law. All rights reserved. Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.