I don’t care about small businesses I just wanna make that corporate money so me and my kinda distant and self interested husband can buy a penthouse.

I’m sure nothing will cause me to have a Christmas themed change of heart.

  • FishLakeEnglish
    34·
    9 天前

    Uh oh, this is your cellphone. You left me on the table at the Christmas-themed restaurant open on Christmas Eve where you were having dinner with your country bumpkin ex. While you went to the bathroom, you got a text from your big city pretty boy colleague about “the engagement”. Sorry I couldn’t show your hunky high school sweetheart any more context, but you were the one that password protected your phone. Maybe your hunky high school sweetheart was right when he said you always kept too many secrets! Better clear up this simple misunderstanding quick.

    Also your husband texted you he’s been having an affair and wants a divorce.

    • ConcreteHalloween [none/use name]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
      26·
      9 天前

      Fuck my pretty boy boyfriend! I’m realized the spirit of Christmas and the value of the rural petite bourgeois! I will abandon my PMC job and help my new hunky bf run his overpriced muffin store!

      Christmas!

      • FishLakeEnglish
        18·
        9 天前

        Flash forward 9 months from now. You barely use me, your fancy iPhone, anymore. Everyone in town is happy as they come over to your 3500 square foot barndominion to see you, your now hunky husband, and your 3.825 children for a barbecue.

        Ding ding, I chirp. You look at the screen. It’s a text from your old boss. “Any chance we could get our top muffin-store-closer back in time for the holidays?”

        • Narri N.English
          10·
          8 天前

          Cut to a flasback sequence where it is revealed that this is all a psyop by Big Muffin to make hunky husband’s muffin shop too overpriced to exist and to install a new McMuffin’s to this rural town once all competition is eliminated by ways of lobbyists and capitalists. The sequence ends, cut to black.

          fin.