And no, I don’t mean, the supposed “Playful Bullying” (that will upset me too, same with being teased), or being even lightly prodded.

The other day, I was questioned on whether I “actually am a leftist”, by a friend. After I nervously answered fairly basic questions such as believing in healthcare and collective labor, they weren’t convinced. Ever since that day, I felt like I couldn’t be a leftist, especially since I lost any confidence in my ability to be “better” according to that person’s standards. If I couldn’t satisfy their standards that one time, what would be the point of trying to read theory and trying again? Yes I admit, I haven’t tried to read theory. I have no confidence that I would do it correctly.

So, I was already completely lacking in confidence in actually being a good enough leftist. But after that incident where I was bullied and picked on, even for a few minutes… Something in me gave up trying to keep up with the people on this website. It also made me fear and lose confidence in trying, for fear that I would encounter other “Secret Tests of Character” like that.

I feel as though in terms of personality, I am too quiet, too shy, and I have too little to say or contribute anyways, to feel at home here. It feels as though speaking the loudest and having lots to say is what matters the most here, and that is something I cannot do.

So, given that everyone insists “read theory”, which I haven’t been able to, does this mean I am not at the standards I seem to see here?

  • amber (she/her)
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    1 month ago

    I think reading small stuff is just fine for getting practice! It will get you more comfortable with reading and build up your stamina for it just the same.

    • Alaskaball [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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      1 month ago

      Here here! Our capitalist world works to stunt our intellectual capacity and attention spans in order to ensure we remain perfect cogs in the machine. Just the act of trying to read something more terse than marvelbrained witty oneliners in tik tok comment sections is already an excellent start to enriching your mind!

      • propter_hog [any, any]@hexbear.net
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        1 month ago

        Our capitalist world works to stunt our intellectual capacity and attention spans in order to ensure we remain perfect cogs in the machine. Just the act of trying to read something more terse than marvelbrained witty oneliners in tik tok comment sections is already an excellent start to enriching your mind!

        This should be a tagline

        Edit: not in a bad way, but just so that everyone on the site could see it.