It’s for a local LGBTQ nonprofit. Honestly I poured my soul into this application, was honest in ways i never have been, and now that it’s done the only thing I feel is dread. I took a big step and let myself feel hope, but I know with near certainty given the past 293+ job applications that have ended in failure, i can’t help but feel that this go the same way. i don’t know how that will feel—worse, maybe, since i exposed the barest hint of what I want to be and will inevitably be punished for it. i’m so tired of this.