idk what I’m looking for from this post. But I’m honestly fine with how my face looks. But unless I look feminine, most bi-women are going to keep assuming I want to dom and top without even asking (aka treat me like a man…). Lesbians won’t be attracted to me. 99% of people won’t perceive me as a women and interact the same they do with other women

I think I can get FFS lined up in some months but I feel extremely weird changing my face so drastically and suddenly. I’m dissociating extremely hard rn just thinking about it. I can’t imagine how bad it’d be after the surgeries. I feel like I’d lose a big part of my identity. I’m deathly afraid of looking into a mirror and not recognizing the face staring back at me

There’s something about the face being by far the premier identifier for human beings here. Because if they were easy/safe, I totally would get surgeries to contract my shoulders and ribcage in an instant LOL

Honestly, so much of what I do to transition is just so the world will interact with me like a woman. I also quite like my “natural” deep heavy 75hz voice tbh. But I’m still voice training at a light valley girl 200-250hz range because I can’t look masculine and have that deep a voice for people to treat me like a woman. At least the voice training is okay though, it was something that I developed in steps + I can still talk nearly the same as I did previously when I want so I don’t feel divorced from who I am

Gender in its current form is so fucking stupid I want something like what some indigenous cultures had

  • IvysaurEnglish
    1·
    2 months ago

    I think a more apt analogy would be if someone said one was a shitty ballerina and so one got surgery to “fix” that. I may be a bad singer but I love singing, and I think my voice is just fine, so I am not going to stop now or clamor to appease anyone who thinks it’s bad; then again the world isn’t yearning to hate crime for a bad tenor.

    I have my own thoughts around the notion of “passing” and especially to placate a largely reactionary cis population, but I understand that in the current year it is life and death, really. I can’t fault anyone for wanting to be safe. I think it is still worth serious thought that if we are to actualy build a better world we cannot acquiesce to these people forever- all sorts of surgeries, processes, and labors exist that are not at all trivial in service to this- because that is ultimately a losing fight. All forms of trans life are worthy of it, but we do none of them any favors by continuing to do all this to ourselves in endless pursuit of increasingly flimsy cis sensibilities.

    I’ve got what is basically a big beer gut that still causes me great misery to be reminded of, and I thought for ages I would be clocked from miles away because my shape just isn’t “feminine” enough. The more people I met, though, the more who were shocked to hear that I was trans at all- genuinely! As in, actually dumbstruck, despite the supposed dad-bod. Does it really look that bad? I don’t know. I still don’t like it, but I see it in a different way than simply its capacity to get me clocked, after years of the exact opposite happening again and again.

    I am rambling, now. @GaveUp@hexbear.net I’m sorry I don’t really have advice for you, except to do whatever you need to do to feel happy and safe in this hateful life.