Have any queer vibes to share? Here’s your place! hexbear-pride

Talk about what’s happening queerly in your life - like coming out, getting HRT, questioning, and all that good stuff.

blob-no No cishets allowed! no-copyright

  • Ocommie63 [she/her]English
    7·
    1 year ago

    Hello comrades, over the past few months I have been heavily questioning my gender and feel that I am either gender fluid or transfemme. I feel lost, and I have zero idea of what to do. I saw this community and I thought it would be a good place to ask if there are any resources for people questioning like me. Thank you for your time.

    • TerminalEncounter [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      6·
      1 year ago

      I’m so happy for you! Even if you do this questioning and end up cis on the other side, it’s still a great achievement. Everyone’s journey looks different and it’s okay to take your time, change your mind one way or another, etc.

      Play with your gender presentation! If you don’t feel safe you can do stuff like paint your toe nails and wear a bralette under your clothes (I did before I socially transitioned). Gender is a fuck and isn’t real - but saying that I definitely feel like and enjoy being a woman lol. If you’re in a safer place but just want to explore, try dressing up femme at home! You can push it if you really want to by going out en femme, especially on Halloween. I don’t know about the nonbinary side but I imagine they have similar advice.

      The first time I bought girl clothes for myself and not “as a joke” or “for drag” my heart pounded out of my chest and I thought everyone could tell so I bought food with it too lmao

    • 🎀 Seryph (She/Her)English
      5·
      1 year ago

      I haven’t read it myself, but the trans reddits would always recommend this site as a good starting point: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en

      Some small stuff I found helpful when I was just realising were a bunch of articles I’d read on some basic things like how to tuck properly or how to style longer hair in feminine ways (since I already had long hair, if you have short hair there’s probably articles for that too though). Unfortunately I didn’t save them and the few I did have been deleted since then, but there’s a lot out there on this stuff that a simple google could find. Practicing with these small things are really helpful for getting a more concrete understanding of how you relate to your gender.

      If you live in a more accepting place then there are likely some local resources which will be helpful too, especially since they’ll usually include the info of local groups or doctors.

      Personally a lot of what helped me figure it out was just hanging out in trans spaces as a lurker and realising how close everything felt to my own experiences, as well as discussing it with a few trans friends I had. It took me something like 6 months of active questioning before I started to lean more on the “I’m trans” side than not, and another few before I felt any degree of certainty.

      Also keep in mind while questioning that it’s perfectly fine to not figure it out right away. You might try being “just” a binary trans woman and then find you’re more non-binary or vise versa. Desisting/detransitioning if you realise after a while that maybe you aren’t trans is fine too. Ultimately it’s a process that takes a while for anyone to reach any confident conclusions on. Just try to make sure you aren’t being pressured into any specific interpretation of yourself by someone else: what matters is who you are.

      Sorry there’s not much in terms of concrete links here, I got a bit carried away with my usual babytrans big sister-ing. (And I just don’t have many links saved) If you want to discuss anything feel free to ask me about it.