Have any queer vibes to share? Here’s your place! hexbear-pride

Talk about what’s happening queerly in your life - like coming out, getting HRT, questioning, and all that good stuff.

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  • 🎀 Seryph (She/Her)
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    11 months ago

    I’ve been having an… Interesting couple of weeks.

    (TW: Transphobia, Parental Abuse, mention of CSA and suicide)

    So my parents found out about my getting HRT because I kept getting fucked over by hospital bureaucracy. (Somehow both appointments I had notified home instead of email or cell like I asked)

    They reacted about as I expected, my mother is pretty transphobic and has gone through every argument in the book (calling me and all trans people perverts, “subtly” comparing me to a nonce by complaining about how there’s a trans pedo in some prison (then ignoring me pointing out how many cis pedos there are), telling me to listen to detransitioners (I have lmao, I’m literally friends with a desistor and have spent quite some time in the not-transphobic detrans reddit), and just typical terf rhetoric (Apparently terf rhetoric doesn’t hit me as hard as the rest, probably since I just find it ridiculous. She dropped it pretty quick when I laughed at it.))

    She also started threatening me with her suicide again so that’s… Fun… But she’s been doing it so flippantly and frequently that it’s lost its edge, especially since my siblings had to deal with that from her too and she never committed. It still kinda hits me sometimes whenever she’s alone though, just a heavy worry at the back of my mind

    My father meanwhile kept insisting that I’m making a mistake and should live a year as a woman first. (I did, just not at home) Until today at least, where he realised from the doc’s accidental call that he is “technically” paying for my HRT through my school insurance and so he gave me an ultimatum of either I stop transitioning or he stops paying for my university. I picked the latter.

    It may have been the worse choice compared to just hiding it and pretending I desisted, but I don’t care, I have enough money saved up to pay for my remaining tuition so long as I can get a job over the summer and maybe a scholarship or two. It will probably fuck me over in the long run though because I might not have enough money for my grad school unless I can get a really good scholarship.

    Despite all this though I’m sitting here typing this and just, I still feel kinda happy? Like when my parents first found out it really fucked my mental state. But today, even with that ultimatum, I have my HRT prescription and should be able to start it this week and the happiness from that is strong enough that I don’t feel as bad as I did for the past month. It’s a very odd feeling.

    • artificialset [she/her, fae/faer]@hexbear.netOP
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      11 months ago

      i can’t even imagine going through what you have, but feeling confident in your identity and decision through all of that must feel pretty good. i hope things stay safe at home and they both eventually come around heart-sickle