GirlPilot [she/her]

I’m pretty sure there are laws against gene editing your own gonads (Fears of tweaking your Germline genome to make superhumans)

But overall pretty cool, an arguably even more dangerous way to castrate yourself :P I thought burdizzo clamps were scary.

I have a psychiatrist report circa 2008 from a “Dr Wolf” the guy was a general psychiatrist for the NHS and I was sent to him in error by my GP rather than begin referred to a GIC.

It’s an incredible document of pure insanity and colonial transphobia, Dr Wolf was the strangest man I’ve ever spoken to, absolutely obsessed with my transgender body and it’s transformation, the whole document describes akin to an SCP. stooped in transphobia transmedicalism he openly cites the HBS and Kinsey scale he spends pages of the document voyeuristically describing my appearance in empirical detail weighing and measuring me with chest and waist measurements I have photos of what I looked like then I assure you I was passable cute geeky girl but this man was wild in his details. The most crazy part is he says all of it completely without malice and I think he liked me despite begin a crazy transphobe.

Referring to me as <Deadname> <Deadname> “Real name” <Surname> although I’d already changed my name via deed poll. Mentioning my chest demonstrates significant “Gynaecomastia” “Despite my BMI height and build begin ‘optimal’ and within feminine norms” and that while he is aware that I’m a “Caucasian male age 21” he also says “Their outward appearance is convincingly that of an unobtrusive young woman” “their voice is somehow of feminine pitch and resonance. Definitely not that of a male. How they have attained this effect is unclear.” “Their mood euthymic, friendly and polite. They are calm and direct in answering my inquiries.” “The only abnormal belief I can ascertain is that they believe themselves to be a woman.” Just insane shit like that as it gose on.

The final part cracks me up. “I believe This pleasant 21 year old student fulfils all diagnostic criteria of Transsexualism ICD10 F64.0 Sex Orientation Scale Group-3 Class-5 Transsexual (True type) Sexual orientation Kinsey scale (4)” I can only picture like an agency operative saying this to his guards as they try to contain me. I guess I’m not pretty enough to be “class-6” :P

So alot of imagined apocalypses are essentially power fantasies. The idea that some part of society is stopping you from actualizing some part of yourself. I occasionally imagine them too, the collapse of the state that wants to oppress me so that some other new non-oppressive state can emerge it’s kinda a big part of revolutionary fantasy too.

It’s just alot of writers want to actualize kinda crappy desires which honestly alienate me from the writers most of the time. Hence we get crappy apocalypse fantasies like zombie apocalypses. (A desire to indulge in righteous violence vindicating a gun fetishist while you consume as much as you can scavenge)

I have “until then” I’m just finishing my current pile of books before I move onto another VN, good to know it’s probably going to be good as this loser hates it.