Being highly enthusiastic and equally unreliable so that I constantly disappoint myself and everyone I know.

Bold to pick a date 70 years after his death. In that case, I’m 1993 Darwin, rolling in his grave at the launch of the Darwin Awards.

My Jewish Jesus appreciates your dedication to the cause.

By far, the best part of finding a loose needle in the wild is the tetanus.

Are you trying to get us fucking killed??? Those types of speeds are capable of reversing the Earth’s rotation, and turning back time! But even more likely is that the Earth will stop rotating and we’ll all get crushed because of gravity vs centrifugal force, and the world will stop being flat and then we’ll all fall off!

All squares are turtles. All circles are turtles. It’s turtles all the way down.

I told my dog these jokes and she said, “that’s scute.”

I live in America and I haven’t learned a damn thing!

They’re not trying to replace you, they’re trying to devalue you. See how that’s different? You thought that they were indifferent towards you, but it turns out that they actually hate you. How fun!

I dunno, maybe their neighbors cheer them on to have a successful waffle stomp?

There’s Klingons on the starboard bow

More human than human?

I asked my doctor about this once, because my leg didn’t move very much when he’d do the test. He said “I can see a very small movement, which I confirm with a second gentle thump. I could hit you harder, but it wouldn’t be very nice.”

And then he hit me harder and it wasn’t very nice.

Step 1. Buy PC
Step 2. Connect to Internet
Step 3. Open terminal
Step 4. Ping, speed test, trace route, and cURL all day to see if you’re still connected
Step 5. Join a community and ask other users what equipment they’re using to ping, speed test, trace route, and cURL

I only voted for Obama once. The first time, I voted for John McCain. What a brainwashed fool I was. What a brainwashed fool I still am; for some reason, I believe that a magical someone is gonna save us all.

The world wouldn’t allow us to commit such atrocities, right?

-Looks at Palestine- fuck.

Round

I’m in!

For the life of me, I can’t remember why I chose to be born here.

Love my OG Lenovo Legion Go. I use it for everything.

The Dell outlet store also often has some truly kickass deals on certified refurbished laptops.