Thank you Nome @NomedaBarbarian
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@NomedaBarbarian on Twitter:
Thinking about how I’ve been lied to as an #ADHD person about what habits are.
That apparently is not what neurotypical folks get to experience.
Habits are things that they do without thinking.
They don’t have to decide to do them. They don’t have to remember to do them. Things just happen, automatically, because they’ve done them enough for that system to engage and make them automatic.
That system…which I lack.
Every single time I have brushed my teeth, it’s been an active choice. I’ve had to devote thought and attention to it. It’s not a routine, it’s not a habit, it’s something that I know is good to do, and hopefully I can remember to do it.
Every single time I exercise, or floss, or pay my rent, or drink water, or say “bless you” when someone sneezes,
It’s because I’ve had to actively and consciously engage the protocol.
It never gets easier.
Just more familiar.
It’s part of my struggle with my weight–exercise never becomes a habit, and every single time I do it, it is exactly as hard as the first time. It takes exactly as much willpower & thought.
I got lied to about how it would just “turn into a habit”. And blamed, when it didn’t.
Drinking water isn’t a habit. Feeding myself isn’t a habit. Bathing isn’t a habit.
I spend so much more energy, so much more time, so much more labor on just managing to maintain my fucking meat suit.
And now you want me to ALSO do taxes?
ON TIME?
For better or for worse, this is normal. Habits are never really easy to be honest, and they remain easy to break forever. I tried to make a habit out of flossing. I did it for awhile, and it almost felt like a habit I formed anew, but then one day I skipped it and it was all over. Hell I skip brushing my teeth sometimes and I actively have to avoid falling out of that habit too.
I don’t know if that helps or not. But I believe almost everyone feels this way about habit formation. I think you’re just more aware of your choice. Everyone does the activity consciously but most people aren’t really analyzing it in the same way as you describe.
Yeah. The neurodivergent typically think that living like a robot is the solution to their problems. Everything needs to be in its place, or everything is wrong.