Hi all.
I’ll try and be succinct but as I’m sure you all realize that’s often easier said than done.
I don’t feel like I ever hear my fellow ADHDers discuss how negative an experience hyperfocusing can be.
First off, I never feel like I’m ‘enjoying’ myself when I hyperfocus. It feels a lot like I’m dreaming. Time moves weirdly, all my senses go askew, and it never feels like I’m in-control.
Then when the focus fades for whatever reason, I feel exhausted. I usually have a headache from the hours of intent concentration. Oftentimes I haven’t eaten, had a drink or used the toilet. As I start to come out of it I often feel quite confused and borderline hungover.
It gives me such an existential crisis. An activity is either so boring I can’t summon myself to engage with it or it’s so absolutely engrossing that it feels like the activity is partaking of me rather than the reverse.
And when I come out of it, to an extent I do feel as if I’ve been consumed. I don’t feel happy or satisfied or fulfilled. I feel tired, confused and uncomfortable.
Can anyone relate? Does anyone have any advice?
Hi, yes, this is somewhat common. For a lot of people in the same situation, it’s not the hyperfocusing part that sucks; it’s the knowledge (after or during that period) that you should be doing something else, which can impact mood and executive function. Some people have more of a problem with how “hard” they are focusing during that phase. In a sense, they are so out of the “normal world” that they forget to drink, eat, and rest, which can also impact mood and so on. What seems to help some is actively monitoring yourself and gaining some distance from your next decision. For example, when you think you will go into this “hyperfocus” mode, tell yourself actively that you are doing so and, for a moment, pause whatever you are doing and try to remember what you were doing before the hyperfocus set in and what you wanted to do. Start small by only doing that. There’s no quick fix or trick—just actively pause/stop and make a status report to yourself, like a check-in with yourself. If you don’t want to do this alone, ask a friend or family member to help you with this. Also, setting an automated alarm can help. And be forgiving with yourself, don’t be harsh. There is no need to hate yourself for who you are.