Hey! I started finding out what being trans actually means about half a year ago, and as I look into it more and more, I am realizing just how much of that stuff relates to me, or sounds like what I want to be, and I really wanna look further into it.
I was wondering what are some good resources, stories of trans people or other possible signs, that would help me answer my question.
My main issue is that I do not like my body. I always thought it was because I am fat, but now that it could be something else, I have no idea where to look and see which one it is, which is something that has really been bothering me lately. I also don’t like quite a few aspects of “male” society, but again, that could just be normal.
I just want to know who I am, I wanna be able to question myself and find out things about myself I would’ve not found on my own
Please don’t reply with “you are trans” or “you aren’t trans”, I want the only person that answers that question to be myself.
I’d just appreciate some help, some resources, something to read up on to find out what’s wrong with me
You are right not to want answers along the lines of ‘you are trans’ or ‘you are not trans’. You are right that you are the only person that can answer that. As a non-binary trans woman, I can tell you that ‘being trans’ isn’t a uniform experience that can be easilly put in neatly defined boxes with easy to recognise checkboxes to tick off.
Even if it turns out you are cisgendered, it is good that you are questioning gender. Some of what we think about as ‘gender’ is social expectations that are entirely toxic. And more cisgendered men should question those gender norms.
Then you have femboys, and other cisgendered men that have a gender non conforming expression in terms of presentation, clothing, hairstyles and makeup. Expression is not identity. Of course some femboys are nonbinary, genderfluid, trans men, trans masc or demi boys. But most nonbinary, genderfluid, trans men, trans masc or demi boys are not femboys. Again, identity is not expression.
Ultimately all you can do is work out what makes you happy. Does the thought of being a woman spark joy? Does the thought of being neither man or woman (agender) spark joy? Does the thought of being both man and woman spark joy? Or man and agender? Or woman and agender? Or being masc but not quite a man (demiboy)? Or the thought of being almost a woman but not quite (transfem)?
Answering those questions won’t give you a definitive answer, just a starting point for exploration. As you explore you may find your answers to those questions change as you pilot yourself and your life towards where you want to be.
I’ve been questioning my own gender recently, and while I’m not sure where I will end up literally the worst thing that can happen is I understand myself a bit better and have a deeper understanding of certain issues.
For me, what helped initially was not to focus on whether I was trans or not, but on specific questions like whether I wanted to start HRT.
Because when I read the list of changes it caused, none of them seemed bad, and many seemed really desirable!
That helped reduce my dilemma from a complicated question of “identity” (“Am I trans? Am I nonbinary?” etc), to a more specific choice I could proceed with.
same here! the labels aren’t the important part, it’s often easier to focus on the specifics first. i’ve currently settled on the non-binary label as a way to not decide, since it can basically mean anything and the label is likely to change in the future when i know more about myself
I found The Null HypotheCis to be a good article for questioning folks
https://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/also this article on recognizing hidden gender dysphoria
https://the-orbit.net/zinniajones/2013/09/that-was-dysphoria-8-signs-and-symptoms-of-indirect-gender-dysphoria/Hello! I think the book “Trans Bodies, Trans Selves” is a great starting point, it collects a lot of info in one place and will probably give you a better sense of the trans community and the breadth of our experiences. (If you can’t afford a copy, there’s a pdf of it on Internet Archive.)
You are 100% right that you’re the only one that can answer these questions for you. No matter whether you’re ultimately trans or cis, good luck finding your path to self-acceptance and joy. 💜
Also check out transreads.org, really great site. I will also say I was recommended the book Whipping Girl and found it offered some useful, I don’t know if perspective is the right word but close enough.
If games are your thing, ‘What’s Your Gender?’ is a really beautifully made resource. There’s not really any mechanics, just walking and clicking interact.
https://store.steampowered.com/app/1761630/Whats_Your_Gender/
I enjoyed playing this with my partner!
It’s also available on Itch: https://purplesloth.itch.io/whats-your-gender
This game helped me realize I really like they/them pronouns for myself - which started my discovery that I’m non-binary.
I found genderdysphoria.fyi to be a really helpful resource. It was my time figuring out that it was more so that I didn’t understand dysphoria than that I didn’t have any.
Also, therapy with a gender affirming provider is amazingly helpful.
There are so many good resources already listed here, so I’m just going to suggest some simple things.
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Try out a few of the gender/shape/anthro swap apps to get a glimpse of a possible current you. See if you like what you see.
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If you’re not interested in being a woman, but being a man doesn’t quite float your boat either for any number of reasons, it’s pretty easy to start looking into the non-binary side of things.
And that’s pretty much it. Take your time and there are no wrong answers. Introspection can be tough at times, especially when others are set on forcing their perspectives on your life.
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