I am a lazy failure who can’t do anything. Basic shit I consistently just… don’t do. Its embarrassing. I don’t even want to list all of it. I have hobby stuff I’ve wanted to for years that I’ve just never gotten set up. Homework? More like I’m not fucking doing that. I’ve been wanting to take steps for months to get myself on hormones and get clothes but have I done them? No? Of course not, because I’m fucking lazy. All I do is rot. Its been this way for a long time, I can’t even remember when the last time I didn’t struggle with this. And it doesn’t feel like its getting better. If it really is my autism I’m not sure how it ever can get better.
It really is effecting me negatively, unfortunately. There’s a lot of both, things that need to get done vs things I want to do but just… haven’t. Maybe making a list will help me. Its a little overwhelming.
Thank you, I will try. The self shaming runs very deep for me, but I will try.
If you don’t mind me asking, do any of these statements resonate with you? It’s also okay to not answer or to go to PMs.
Just plain forgetting to do things.
A feeling of anxiety that builds up with this backlog and, ironically, prevents you from doing them, leading to a spiral.
Not really enjoying these things you used to enjoy.
Not really enjoying anything.
Difficulty getting out of bed for hours at a time.
While it can be difficult to get started, once you start a task that can be completed in one go, you will complete it in one go.
Yes, I forget often. My parents would never believe me as a child but it’s always been pretty bad imo.
Yes, absolutely
This one depends. I definitely spiral pretty badly sometimes and don’t enjoy anything, but overall I do still enjoy stuff, when I’m feeling good. I’ve dealt with depression and I don’t think that’s it, when I was depressed it was all the time.
This is a little harder to say, sometimes I’ll force myself to start but I’ll very quickly abandon it (like, usually within 2 minutes and it’s basically in the same state it was before). But if I’m actually doing it I think so?
I would say that talking to a pro isn’t a bad idea! They can help pinpoint potential causes and come up with interventions with you.
There are constellations of things that sometimes come together and in forms that aren’t always intuitive, including ADHD, anxiety, and depression. I 100% cannot provide any kind of diagnosis (talking to a pro is so much better!) but some of your answers overlap with some of those things. Like you mention, depression sometimes comes as a significant episode where you feel very down, where it is acute. But it can also feel like a lack of motivation and really just not wanting to do anything in response to anxiety. Re: enjoying things, I was asking to get a sense if anhedonia, which can also be intermittent. Brains can be very troublesome.
Also, I don’t want to overmedicalize this, as these things all depend on context. There may be no diagnosis and these are just responses to an environment that will decrease with a change in environment, for example. I just want to suggest a pro because they can help with knowing the difference.