As a disabled, immunocompromised person living in make-believe no-Covid world amid revolving door poverty, an active genocide and increasing eugenics campaigns globally I am finding less and less reason to continue Being. Tell me how you’re doing it, dear reader, so that I can make living in unending despair at all bearable.
Aside from the whole “if you wait by the river long enough, the bodies of your enemies will float by” stuff, one of the things that keeps me going is both the most (existential) bloomer and most doomer thing simultaneously:
If there is no reason to carry on then likewise there is no reason not to.
If we consider opting out as the final response to meaninglessness and despair then what does it matter if you push that timeframe out by an extra day? It’s not like it’s going to matter come the day after tomorrow. Wash/rinse/repeat.
This has been my mentality through every suicidal episode I’ve ever been through so I get it, but…man, there really ought to be a better motivator than this in order to find a meaning in living, ya know? Oblivion sure feels more welcoming to me than another ~50 years of struggling with incurable chronic illness and assuredly continued institutional/societal abandonment despite any reasoning through it.
Yeah, I feel that.
I think that the next step beyond that is creating a life where you have things that you care about and are working towards.
Gardening, pets, relationships, skill-building, contributing to movements or organisations - it’s going to be dependent upon your interests, needs, and capacity but if you have things that are counting on your or that you are building towards then they will keep you going in a way that’s more positive than Camus’ coffee.
Might be worth refocusing on the smaller things in life that enrich it personally while detoxing from stuff like mainstream media that serves to drag you down and feel helpless in the face of it as well.