As it stands now, this community serves mostly as a way to get money. That isn’t a bad thing, but cash is not a 1-size-fits-all solution to every problem. Taking care of a persons needs is always priority #1, but at times, said person is unfit to handle money in a way that reliably alleviates those needs. Traditional, local, mutual-aid networks can usually address this in the form of community pot lucks, clothing exchange, etc. Here we are more or less limited to advice and more money.
Making a rule about unsolicited advice and being critical of users, limits us to just money as a tool to solve problems. Sometimes people need a tough conversation to grow as a person, sometimes people need to be reminded of the situation they are in. Yes, the capitalist system is oppressive. Yes, there are systemic issues that prevent us all from succeeding. That doesn’t mean there is no situation where decision making is a factor. Sometimes, you do actually need help making better choices. This isn’t to shame people for making bad decisions, sometimes there are psychiatric reasons, sometimes they genuinely don’t know any better, but you still should speak up so they can potentially correct the problem and learn.
This rule effectively creates a hug-box where we all pretend that personal responsibility doesn’t exist, that there is simply nothing to be done. It’s incredibly infantile, it’s a cope, and the people in this community deserve better than that.
EDIT: I feel I may have had a change of heart after reading the comments left by @EelBolshevikism If you are looking for a somewhat comprehensive response, those comments are likely a good starting point.
this has been on my mind a lot but I don’t think there’s really a good way to articulate my thoughts or a good solution for it, it’s just hard for me to wrap my head around someone posting
spoiler because I'm not trying to call out a specific person but I mean, it's kind of a specific instance and might be recognized
about getting like literally two months’ worth of my wages as a donation and then asking for more money a week later, like
I guess I feel a mix of jealousy, disbelief, and just like loss by proxy that this mana from heaven seemed to just disappear without benefit lasting even longer than a week
but i’m going to shut up about it because I’m not trying to be an asshole, it’s just like, idk, really wack to me that that happened
I feel similarly. It really stung.
I’ve given people money through here from time to time, and this definitely made me less likely to do so in the future
Absolutely, the flippancy some users have with our comrades’ hard work is really disappointing. To say that $4k is some miniscule amount of money, or being like “actually I spent hundreds of dollars on doordash
” wtf
I don’t think anyone is genuinely thinking or saying that in a smug tone (except tbf maybe this specific incident because it appears they’re also a bigot and possibly a scammer). Anyone spending hundreds on DoorDash because they actually want to, and not as some sort of weird scammer power play, is probably either not thinking through their financial decisions entirely or has some other reason to do so that isn’t malicious or even purposely dismissive of the people that donated to them.
I don’t think you should pretend it’s only “kind of” a specific incident. We literally all know who you mean and saying you’re going to shut up about it and then posting it anyhow doesn’t really change what you’ve said. Not that you shouldn’t have said anything, clearly you aren’t the only one to feel off about it, but don’t pretend it can be anonymized, it’s just subtweeting.
I don’t know what, if anything, should be done, but I also don’t see how a rule that didn’t exist when that happened is a factor.
This comm is ultimately 95% just charity for people in our little online community. I still think that’s a good thing on the whole, but I think we all would prefer if it could be a more structured form of aid, but it can’t unless people organize a structure (and mods allow it ig).
idk I just tried to do what I could to semi anonymize it while still gripe about it and give an opportunity for someone to not read about it, idk what else I coulda done other than say nothing :/
yeah I wasn’t trying to say whatever rule change happened was a factor, I just thought to mention it because of the part I quoted from the OP because idk when else, if ever, it’d be appropriate to mention. I don’t want to make a post about it y’know
I mean I agree, this place is a truly bright light in an otherwise bleak present, and although I’m not in a position to really help out others I am so grateful to see the help that’s been given
I just really wish in this case that money could have gotten this person into a better situation for at least a month or two
Yeah, I’m sure they wished for that too. Idk what griping does to help them or anyone else is all, besides make them feel bad. A one time cash infusion is good but its not enough to overhaul a life, to overcome all the barriers put in front of a person. I don’t really have a point here I guess.
Edit: EelBolshevism put it better above.
If you needed that money, you are free to ask for support as well. If you don’t need it, then why do you care where it went? its not your money nor are you seeking similar donations. Straight up if I became homeless I’d be fucked. I’d probably just die. I have like every leg up in the world but I still can’t kick any of my bad habits even when they’re self destructive. If I got an influx of money I’d 100% spend it on fast food or something. And people would judge the fuck out of me for it. I do more indulgent shit than that now, but nobody judges me because I didn’t have to beg for that money, I work a job. But I don’t deserve this any more than anyone else, I’m stuck in the same mental rut but with different life circumstances. And so unless/until there’s a program that’s going to care for homeless people outside of capitalism, giving them shit is a standby to keep them afloat at least, and if they are lucky, maybe a leg up and out (but that can’t be an expectation, they have to be ready to change and its pretty hard to get your shit together when you don’t have reliable food and shelter)
it’s just that it was like a lot of fuckin’ money? and
literally years worth of that???
like I don’t blame someone for spending on vices, I am just saying that yes, here, I don’t think this person was the best steward of $4k+ dollars if it evaporated in a week, which is the basis of what I originally quoted and replied to
Hope this helps as like an insight, but this person your talking about clearly lives amongst some kind of irl community of other unhoused people. No one suddenly smokes up even $1000 dollars worth of meth in three weeks, so get that thought out of your head if anything like that was on your mind. It’s not a stretch to imagine a lot of it going toward others in their offline life. For unhoused people, these communities are very transitory in that people appear and disappear fast, but they all have the same solidarity from being unhoused. Multiple times this user has mentioned helping out other unhoused people with money donated.
I’m convinced it’s either an example of an outright scammer, in which case we’re trying to make it all about personal responsibility for no reason when the actual problem is we got scammed. Or it’s an example of something else going on we don’t know about. Because like you said, randomly blowing 4000$ on basically anything I can think of is extremely difficult. Especially because of the amount.
Only thing I can think of that wouldn’t result in SOMETHING at least a LITTLE helpful to their situation (like a car or products they could resell or just use) would be gambling, and that’s its own kind of addiction. But because there’s no mention of gambling or gambling addiction (something I really hope people would sympathize with), it feels really likely they’re just a scammer who appears to also be a bigot, and this seems like a classic example of people compromising their beliefs and practices because they think they can “get ahead” of a troll or scammer by doing so. A good secondary example of stuff like this is when people assume someone with neopronouns is a troll, and when someone actually is a troll using neopronouns, they point to it as proof of their assumptions all along. When the best option is actually to just ban them or, possible in this case, pursue outright legal action if they truly are just a scammer who doesn’t need any of this money and is funneling it off somewhere.
I would be very careful using the word scammer this lightly. And if this actually even is storyofrachel (I have not personally seen the evidence of this yet, but I do admit this would be very uncanny similarity if this were just a coincidence).
No one else who sent money in small amounts could have been deceived because this money was sent on the basis that this user is homeless, and has unmet basic needs that money can help them fulfill. This is true regardless of anything else this user may have lied about or did under different accounts.
The queerphobic comments made by storyofrachel that originally got her banned are disappointing and, it would be unfortunate to learn this is the same user. But remember this is a young, unhoused, trans person themself. Those comments were made years ago, and nothing like that has ever happened again since. I’m personally willing to forgive them, but I understand anyone who else who is not. But since this is all speculation, it would be unfeasible to make a case for getting them on ban evasion.
Ultimately none of that makes them a scammer, though. They are a genuine member of Hexbear and I have seen them posting normally for at least six months under their current account.
EDIT: Almost forgot to address the $4000, lol. If anyone was scammed, it was the person who sent this all at once. That was just one donation, and we don’t have anyone coming out claiming they were scammed. Without someone reporting they were scammed, it’s hard to make the case that this was a scamming. That’s why I think this whole incident should just be shelved for now.