I find the difference between how (many) autistic people treat friendship vs the way (many) NT people treat friendship quiet disturbing on the NT end.

So I found out a guy who we used to mutually call each other best friend is having a baby. Its been a LONG time since we talked regularly. We still live in reasonable distance from each other, but far enough that its difficult to connect. And also Ive been depressed and not socially active irl for a good 8 years now lol. My only good irl friend friend dumped me a year ago over a stupid misunderstanding. But i had no friendship ending drama with this other friend.

Anyway, I was like “hey itd be nice to be part of your kid’s life”. Thing is, Im very good with kids, and thats like a core part of who I am as a person, but something my irl friends have repeatedly shown that they do not understand about me lol. (that other irl friend friend dumping me’s reasoning for doing it included a very fundemental misunderstanding of that for example).

Anyway, my friend there said “idk its been so long since we’ve talked, maybe eventually” and I was taken aback a bit. I mean, on one level I get it. The mother of his kid doesnt even know me so thats a big reason for that. But like…

OK, studies show that autistic people do NOT do the whole “friendship degrading with noncommunication” thing. Something I always found weird in the Sims is how friendships degrade when you dont talk to them frequently (unless you max them out lol). Stardew does the same thing I think? And besides finding that annoying just from a gameplay perspective, I also didnt get it because like… wait is that how people think? Because i DONT. I dont really lose feelings of affection or freindship from noncommunication alone. Someone needs to DO something to me for me to change my opinion of them. And like, me and this friend have had our drama lol. He’s a bit of a narcissist, not a “cant safely be friends with him” kind of narcissist but a “friendship with him will have toxic moments” type. And he mistreated an ex pretty bad, but that ex is still friends with him so I won’t impose victimhood on her. (Our mutual ex is another story there, I really need to reconnect with her someday, but I always was very confused who was the perpetrator of mistreatment in that relationship because they both seemed pretty toxic, but anyway). But like. NONE of that is 'Wow you are NOT my friend anymore" stuff. Just stuff to be aware of and work around for me. Idk.

These are not coherent thoughts completrly but I like that I can dump them here from time to time.

Rules

1.) ableist language=post or comment will probably get removed (enforced case by case, some comments will be removed and restored due to complex situations). repeated use of ableist language=banned from comm and possibly site depending on severity. properly tagged posts with CW can use them for the purposes of discussing them

2.) always assume good faith when dealing with a fellow nd comrade especially due to lack of social awareness being a common symptom of neurodivergence

2.5) right to disengage is rigidly enforced. violations will get you purged from the comm. see rule 3 for explanation on appeals

3.) no talking over nd comrades about things you haven’t personally experienced as a neurotypical chapo, you will be purged. If you’re ND it is absolutely fine to give your own perspective if it conflicts with another’s, but do so with empathy and the intention to learn about each other, not prove who’s experience is valid. Appeal process is like appealing in user union but you dm the nd comrade you talked over with your appeal (so make it a good one) and then dm the mods with screenshot proof that you resolved it. fake screenies will get you banned from the site, we will confirm with the comrade you dm’d.

3.5) everyone has their own lived experiences, and to invalidate them is to post cringe. comments will be removed on a case by case basis depending on determined level of awareness and faith

4.) Interest Policing will not be tolerated in any form. Support your comrades in their joy!

Further rules to be added/ rules to be changed based on community input

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