I thought she just didn’t want to do sex stuff or cuddle or show affection…
Anyway I just thought it was important to let the world know that you can be volcel army and still be in a committed ten year relationship. In fact isn’t that what true comradeship is built on?
Weapons grade cope aside, I think I’m one of those weird types of humans who needs affection and so on. Am I really going to have to start dating again? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
You ask really good questions. Unfortunately they don’t really have simple answers, as far as I can tell. Like, the best way I can think to phrase it is, there’s nothing I would want if it isn’t enthusiastically volunteered.
But if our relationship has hard limits that I don’t want to have become my hard limits by defacto… then… is problem.
This is all so confusing cuz I have legit been doing this volcel thing for multiple years now in the context of this relationship. I’m so far removed at this point that I don’t even know if what I’m not getting from this relationship is even that important compared to the benefits of stable and reliable mutual support from someone I admire and respect and love.
(rambling out loud here I forget if I was even trying to make a point anymore)
i’m actually in a nearly-identical situation, including the “nearly 10 years” bit. it’s…difficult, particularly if you’re the sort of person who, as you said, doesn’t want something unless it’s enthusiastically offered.
i don’t really have any useful advice, unfortunately, but i just wanted you to know you’re not alone. i hope you can strike a balance that works for you both.
I really appreciate the supportive words. It does help. I’m sure we’ll figure it out eventually.
I hope your situation develops for the better too.
It’s really nice to see that you care enough to give it some deep thought and reach out for advice. Good job.
That’s an interesting comment to post that reply to.
Ok maybe I’m wrong but it sounds like maybe you need to show your partner that you will to make an effort for them to be attracted to you? Like maybe they are kind of “over” the relationship and afraid to leave you and/or don’t want to hurt you, but trying to give you a chance to make an effort without being able to communicate that well.
Or maybe not.
Maybe a relationship counselor could help you both communicate with each other better. If you want to save this relationship you are going to have to really put in some effort either way.
But maybe you know that it is not going to happen and you should move on and need someone to give you permission to do that?